The Great Tweet-off: Confession Edition

Doesn’t it feel good to get something off your chest? Do it on Twitter and the feeling can be shared by millions …

Told my son that his bellybutton was a reset button; if he was behaving rudely, I’d push it so he’d have to start as a baby again. @SDEBS27

Got embarrassed that I used the elevator to go down one level so I limped out to not look lazy.

@ FRECKLEDNOMAD

At the bar when I was ready to leave I’d get up and say, “I’ll buy this round.” I’d leave the table and never come back. @JAMIECWP I told people I tore my rotator cuff rock climbing. I really tore it scooping ice cream that was too hard. @FLABERGATED When we first started dating, I convinced my wife that I had donated one of my kidneys to my grandma. @MATTPEYTON

Sometimes when I order Chinese food I’ll muffle the phone and say, “One sec … what did you want?” and order myself a second dish. @DINOFACE1