Life’s Like That

Wilfred J. Funk, president of dictionary publishers Funk & Wagnall and creator of RD’s section ‘It Pays to Increase Your Word Power’, would have mixed feelings about this 70-year-old letter.

Motoring along the main highway late one night, I stopped for a cup of coffee at one of the diners frequented by truck drivers. Seated next to me at the counter was a burly driver with a hamburger in one hand and a current Reader’s Digest in the other, absorbed in ‘It Pays to Increase Your Word Power’. As he finished his hamburger he looked up and met my wondering stare.

‘This guy Funk has sure taught me a lot,’ he said. ‘You should see the faces of those Sunday drivers when I insult them with those high-class words!’ SUBMITTED BY W.F. MORTIMER 7 FATHER’S DAY LESSONS FROM LESSEXPERIENCED DADS 1. You can never have too much fun with your kid: “When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.” COMEDIAN STEVEN WRIGHT 2. Always set aside time for you and your angels: “Well, it’s 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.” TV DAD HOMER SIMPSON

3. If there’s only one thing you learn: “Never change diapers in midstream.” COMEDIAN HARRY GILBERT

4. Might as well have a gaggle: “The man with six kids will always be happier than the man with six million dollars because the man with six million dollars always wants more.” AUTHOR WILLIAM FEATHER 5. You’re the gatekeeper: “Pretty sure my main job as a father of daughters is to make sure none of them become contestants on The Bachelor.” @ANDREWOSENGA ON TWITTER 6. Gush over every gift your child bestows upon you: “I have mixed emotions when I receive my Father’s Day gifts. I’m glad my children remember me; I’m disappointed that they actually think I dress that way.” COMEDIAN MIKE DUGAN 7. Devise a plan to deal with your future grumpy adolescent: “When your children are teenagers, it is important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” WRITER NORA EPHRON