LIFELONG FRIENDS

The deepest, most committed friendships span time, continents and life experiences

Tips for keeping your friendships strong through the years.

The keys to maintaining strong, long-term friendships often take a lifetime to learn. We asked some of the longest-lasting duos (and trios!) how they’ve managed to make their bonds unbreakable.

Honesty is always the best policy

Heather Hopkins credits her decades-long best friendship (and that’s saying a lot because she’s only in her 30s) to her commitment to honesty. “Never be scared to tell your best friends how you are really feeling about any situation. A true friend will always appreciate and be grateful for honesty, even in the stickiest of situations. If your real friends can’t be honest and truthful, do you think the transients and acquaintances in your life will be?”

Always assume the best

“Assume that everything they do is with good intentions, even when that assumption seems unreal,” explains Yael Lustmann, a mum in her 40s who has managed to make her best friendship last for around 30 years (and counting!). She adds that laughing off the bad stuff is a big help, too, and admits that she picked a sort of “wild and crazy guy” to be best friends with.

See the other person’s differences as a way to balance your own personality

“It helps that we both evolved and became educated over the 21 years of being friends since university,” shares Max Zaslavsky. “But we accept our personality differences as things that balance us out. He is the only person allowed to call my mum ‘Ma’ besides me. When my parents almost died in a car accident in 1998, he and his now ex-wife rushed to be with me and help take care of my folks who were both in different hospitals. When I graduated in 2004, he got my 83-year-old father, who was battling cancer, in and out of a wheelchair so he could see me walk.”

Just keep calling, even if there’s nothing to really say

Nicki Bandklayder’s 20-plus-year friendships are going strong because she’s always eager to get on the phone. “Pick up the phone just

because! You don’t need a reason to call. This is what keeps some of my 20-plus-year friendships alive and strong. When you start needing a reason to call, you lose that everyday sort of connection. This goes for several of my bridesmaids who are in different states.”

Don’t pretend, real life isn’t like Facebook at all

“The trick is to not pretend and just be you,” tells Chetna Singh, of her 26-year friendships with her medical school friends. “Share your joys and your sorrows. Laugh together and be there for each other. Nobody’s life is Facebook-perfect.”

Sometimes one party forgets to be present, but that’s OK

“My best friend Helen and I are going on 32 years, and we never call out the other person on being an absentee friend,” shares Angela Randall. “Life happens and when you are in different places and going through different things, just pick up where you both are.”

Use technology to your advantage

“It’s said that technology is ruining relationships, but there are few things as nice as being connected with your best friends since primary school by an ongoing group text,” says Lauren Schwartz Gamsey. “We are seven busy working parents spread across seven cities, and we can still share everyday thoughts, big news and silly stories as if we had never moved away from each other.”

Be realistic and keep it casual

“My four best friends from childhood and I are all married with kids. Restaurant gatherings once we had kids were always a disaster,” tells Stacey Feintuch. “So we decided to switch things up. Now we each host a meal at our home throughout the year. It may be a brunch or a pizza dinner. The host helps organise the long email chain to choose a date, does the brunt of the work and food preparation. But we all bring something to help ease the burden. It ensures that we get together at least four times a year.”

Don’t be afraid to put in the work so you can relax and let the good times roll

Real friendship is an ongoing, never-ending work in progress, and that’s something Stacy Goldstein Lettie knows so well of her 30-plus- year friendship. “Friendship takes work and planning, but true friends fall in step with each other no matter how long it’s been. Our favourite tradition is that every New Year’s Eve since 1998 we get the families together. We cook a big fancy meal and stay up half the night playing karaoke or some other silly game. We always have a family sleepover and each year it’s at a different house.”