All in a Day’s Work
Strong Words
Some colleagues sign emails with ‘cheers’ or ‘sincerely’ followed by their names.
But I typically use, ‘You’ve made a powerful enemy today’. @OHNOSHETWITNT
Putting the Knife In
My job as a facilities maintenance engineer required a wide range of skills. One day I might have to fix the heating, while the next day could see me painting the CEO’s office. When I described it to a colleague as
“I’m a jack of all trades, master of none,” I was amused, yet slightly offended, when she offered a less than complimentary interpretation from her native Cantonese: “Equipped with knives all over, yet none are very sharp.” SUBMITTED BY CHARLES GOETZINGER
Bottom of the Heap
NEW EMPLOYEE: “Some man piled all these files on my desk. Isn’t there an employee here to take care of all this petty stuff?”
OLDER ASSOCIATE: “Yes, there is. You.” stupidcoworkers.com
Lights Out
Once, I went into my supervisor’s office five minutes before we opened to ask him a question. He was lying on the floor with a pillow and blanket and the lights turned off. He just said, “I’m not here yet.” Mary Ellis on Facebook
ROLL OF HONOUR
A woman at the checkout counter where I work didn’t have enough money to cover her purchase of toilet paper, so I paid for it.
“Thank you,” she said. “I’m going to think of you every time I use this paper.” SUBMITTED BY RICHARD F. PFEIFER
Just Ask Me
By adding, “I don’t know what I would do if it got any better”, to “Livin’ the dream”, and “Another day in paradise”, I’ve got a pretty heavyhitting arsenal of responses for when my colleagues ask how I’m doing. @BMANGALL20
Will Go Far
Spotted outside a business: ‘MY BOSS TOLD ME TO CHANGE THE SIGN, SO I DID.’ SUBMITTED BY K. H. NORTH