once upon a time

the not-actually-ending show

UK Broadcast Netflix, finished

US Broadcast ABC, finished

Episodes Reviewed 6.01-6.22

The season begins with the refugees from the Land Of Untold Stories arriving in Storybrooke… but don’t worry about that, as it’s a plot thread that vanishes after about four episodes.

HENRY

everything’s building to a big series finale. My powers as “the author” mean I can feel the end approaching. But will we all get our happily ever afters?

EMMA

Yeah, as “the saviour” I keep getting visions of dying in a “Final Battle” I have with a hooded baddie. this is clearly the end of the series.

REGINA

and I’m reconciling with both my dark alter-ego, the evil Queen (we split into two last season, remember), and my sister, the Wicked Witch of the West. this is clearly the end of the series.

HOOK

also, I’m going to propose to emma, and – after she gets stuck in an alternate world, and I get cursed never to return to storybrooke (it doesn’t stick) – get married in a musical episode that knocks the sequined spots off that crappy one in The Flash. this is clearly the end of the series.

GOLD

and my mum, the Black Fairy, turns out to be the biggest Big Bad of them all. the ground zero of evil in this show. the warped woman who warped me too and started me on the road to all that Dark one stuff. this is clearly the end of the series.

BELLE

at the same time, Gold and I finally make our fractious, six-year, on-off relationship work after we save our son, Gideon, from the clutches of the Black Fairy, who steals his heart and forces him to be her henchman. We’re a happy family now. this is clearly the end of the series.

THE PRODUCERS

no, hang on, you lot. there is going to be a season seven.

ALL

huh?

PRODUCERS But only Gold, regina and hook will be back full time.

CHARMING so are you going to explain how the rest of us are being written out in the season finale?

PRODUCERS

um, no. We’ll think about that next year.

HOOK

looks like a quickie divorce is on the cards, emma! Do I snore?

ALADDIN AND JASMINE

hang on, what about us? We were introduced at the start of the season, then practically ignored.

HENRY

oh, you were just there to stop the show looking completely whitewashed. The end. except not...