Star trek: enterprise
“Affliction”/“divergence” 2005
It’s a shameless bit of retconning, as the prequel series goes back to explain why Kor and the other original series Klingons didn’t have lumpy foreheads. But first of all, let’s get the obligatory conversation about the theme tune out of the way. Altogether now: “It’s been a long road…”
RICH At least it’s the later version with added strumming. NICK It’s still the least Star Trek thing ever. RICH Great visuals, though. IAN This is the producers trying to get away from everything Star Trek was. NICK It’s horrific. As chief engineer Trip Tucker prepares to transfer to Enterprise’s sister ship Columbia, Dr Phlox and Ensign Hoshi are enjoying some shore leave when Phlox is kidnapped. IAN This is very welcome news. NICK He’s like some kind of nobbly Frasier. RICH At least he’s better than Neelix... Cut to Phlox’s destination, a Klingon research station where a genetically modified virus is killing Klingons – and making them look strangely human…
NICK Is there any dentistry on Kronos?
IAN They carve their teeth that way.
JORDAN Then how does the disease fix their teeth? That must be some virus. IAN The new model Klingon is very Bee-Gee-ish. RICH It’ll be a tragedy. They’re just trying to stay alive, etc. NICK I hate the hairy Klingons. They look stinky and horrible. I like my Klingons suave and sinister. IAN They’re like elderly bikers. RICH Though this one guy is interested in science. Do you think he was picked on at Klingon school? It turns out an experiment to create superhuman (or should that be “superKlingon”?) augments has backfired, creating the lethal virus.
The first half of the twoparter blends uneventfully into the second via the least cliffhangery cliffhanger ever… RICH Look! That’s Seth MacFarlane off of Family Guy in engineering. He’s turned up just to alleviate the boredom. NICK It does feel like there’s only one episode of story across the two-parter. IAN The show had a budget cut, so suddenly there’s lots of two episode stories. RICH It’s phenomenally tedious. JORDAN It’s a good looking show, though. Well lit, well shot. Captain Archer shows up to donate his blood to help make a cure. NICK At least their hair looks better now. They’ve got some conditioner in it.