State of Play
Previously on Game Of Thrones… everyone had a rotten time, apart from maybe Ramsay Snow – and he’s a nutter
The formerly triumphant Lannister family was left in disarray. Jaime was despatched to the tedious kingdom of Dorne to bring back his ( secret) daughter Myrcella. He succeeded, in a way – he found her, only for her to be fatally poisoned.
Cersei, meanwhile, was captured and tortured by religious nut, the High Sparrow. Shamed in King’s Landing, she’s now plotting revenge with her allies.
Tyrion, however, is doing rather well. He’s met up with his old ally Varys and the two are working together to keep the peace in Meereen, following Daenerys’s unexpected departure.
Daenerys, meanwhile, was rescued from an assassination attempt and flown to safety by Drogon. She’s now stumbled upon a group of ( friendly?) Dothraki, who may ( or may not) come to her aid.
Don’t forget about the “ice” part of “Ice And Fire”. Lots happened near The Wall, including Stannis Baratheon sacrificing his daughter’s life and then paying the ultimate price himself. Serves the miserable old git right.
After five years of build- up, the supernatural forces beyond the wall finally started to make their presence felt. The White Walkers struck the town of Hardhome, leading Jon Snow ( now in charge of the Night’s Watch) to forge a peace treaty with the Wildlings.
Er, that didn’t go down too well. His “brothers” in the Watch conspired to kill him and appeared to succeed. Crikey.
Jon’s sisters were also pretty miserable. Vengeance- mad Arya joined a creepy death cult and was blinded for her troubles.
Long- suffering Sansa, meanwhile, ended up marrying sadistic rapist Ramsay Snow. She escaped with Theon Greyjoy by chucking herself off a tower, hoping that the snow would break their fall – and not their necks. Hodor wasn’t in it, but we can all guess what his dialogue would have been like.