GOTHAM
A wretched hive of scum and villainy
UK Broadcast Channel 5, finished US Broadcast Fox, finished Episodes Reviewed 2.01-2.22
Businessman THEO GALAVAN announces he’s running for Mayor. He’s clearly evil. Civilisations rise and fall, the Sun almost runs out of fuel to burn and still nobody notices. Meanwhile, he frees some criminals from Arkham Asylum.
JEROME Look at me, I’m the proto-Joker! Hahahaha!
GALAVAN You could well be, my friend. But now I’m going to kill you.
JEROME ...Bugger.
JEROME is murdered by GALAVAN, who looks like a hero. However, DETECTIVE JIM GORDON still isn’t so sure.
JIM Hmm, I’m starting to suspect Galavan isn’t a good guy. THE AUDIENCE About time! You’re a crap cop.
Meanwhile, EDWARD NYGMA has killed his crush’s boyfriend and started to date her.
EDWARD I love you so much!
MISS KRINGLE So do I!... Hang on, did you kill my boyfriend?
EDWARD ...Bugger.
He kills MISS KRINGLE. Elsewhere, PENGUIN is in charge of Gotham, but he falls from grace, loses his mum, ends up in Arkham and then finds his dad, PEE-WEE HERMAN.
PEE-WEE HERMAN I love you so much!
PENGUIN I love you so much!
PENGUIN’s dad is killed. PENGUIN ...Bugger.
Inside Arkham Asylum, DR HUGO STRANGE is experimenting on inmates, making super-powered creatures and releasing them. The universe grows old and TIME ITSELF almost ends before anybody notices.
JIM Hmm, I’m starting to suspect Dr Strange isn’t a good guy.
THE AUDIENCE About time! You’re a crap cop.
BRUCE WAYNE discovers that DR STRANGE killed his parents.
BRUCE I will defeat this evil foe!
Instead, BRUCE is held captive by DR STRANGE and almost blown up.
THE AUDIENCE And you’re a crap Dark Knight.
BRUCE I haven’t even hit puberty yet, give me a bloody chance.
Arkham Asylum’s MONSTER INMATES are released into Gotham. They shamble off, into the shadows.
THE AUDIENCE Will next season be called “Villains Hit Big City, Find Jobs, Get On The Housing Ladder”?
THE WRITERS Actually we’re going with “Batman Vs Puberty”.
BRUCE I will defeat this evil foe!
BRUCE’S HORMONES We’re going to make him even more moody.
THE AUDIENCE ...And Batman begins! Jayne Nelson