Purls of wisdom

Rachel Bearn shares how learning to knit helped her cope after developing a chronic illness

Rachel Bearn shares how learning to knit helped her cope with chronic illness

When I decided to pick my needles up again after years of neglect, I couldn’t have imagined how much I would need them. I learned to knit when I was 10 years old after spending a weekend with a family friend. Her mother was visiting from India and had brought along her knitting bag. I’d watched all weekend, fascinated by the rhythm of the needles clicking backwards and forwards. She o ered to teach me a few simple stitches which I took home with me.

MAKING A START

Over the next few years I had input from grannies, maths tutors and neighbours, all keen to share their knitting wisdom. But in my teenage years, knitting became ‘uncool’ and my needles were put away for a while. It wasn’t until my mid-20s that I thought about picking them back up again. I had recently learnt about the horrors of the fast fashion industry and I decided to try making my own clothes. I could remember the basics of the knit and purl stitch and so that October, on holiday, I pulled out my newly bought pattern for a baby jacket and bundle of chunky yarn. One evening turned to two – and soon every evening that holiday I sat in front of the fire, working away at this little jacket. I fell in love with knitting once more. Just a few months later, I became ill.

CREATIVE RESPITE

MECFS (also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) is an illness that no one knows much about. The only way to diagnose it is to follow a tick box list of symptoms – I ticked every box. Forced to leave my job due to the severity of the illness, my days became an endless fight to survive the pain and fatigue, and I desperately needed some

relief. Then one day, with Poirot on daytime TV, I picked up my knitting needles. I was surprised I could cope with the rhythm of stitches despite the brain fog of pain and fatigue. I picked out a pattern from an old knitting magazine and my husband drove me to our local yarn store, where they had the exact yarn on sale! I spent the next five weeks making my way through the pattern.

FINDING A WAY BACK

Days spent trying to find any distraction from illness were now filled with creativity. A deeply needed respite from the stress, worry and loneliness of being ill, this mindful activity working one stitch, one row, one panel of the garment at a time, slowly began to heal me. That first jumper I made for myself was a little lumpy – the stitching around the collar uneven and the sleeves about 5cm too short for my arms, but it filled me with such pride. I wore it absolutely everywhere – it was a garment I had made for myself with my own hands at a time when I wasn’t sure I would ever be well enough to do anything again.

RESCUE REMEDY

Things are getting better. I received some good medical treatment with a specialist clinic and after years of hard work I am seeing improvements. Knitting rates high in the stakes for improving mental health and has become part of my daily life. It is the one thing I can do when everything else is too much. It allows me to create and to feel a sense of satisfaction at achieving a little bit more each day. That little girl so entranced by knitting is still there and she is pushing me to just keep going, one stitch at a time.

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