PART CRAZY
WHEN it comes to researching performance parts, I am pure old-school. I’m electronically retarded – ask Telf to verify this as I send him my incoherent, misspelt ramblings on the back of soggy beer coasters – and I’m afraid that if I use a computer I may press the wrong button and order a shipping container of brides or shutdown the jukebox at Dunedoo RSL!
So instead I resort to a tried and true method of parts research: I grab SM and head to the bog. I see what the big dogs are using on their cars and see what the vendors are advertising and seek common ground. I work out what the part will cost, divide that by two and come up with the TTMP (‘tell-the-missus price’), then set to work getting the part.
It’s no secret that I am besotted by GRUNTA, that fat tunnel-rammed red Holden utility that Mr Harvey dreamt up, built, then placed on the cover of SM. I have raved on about this ute for many reasons. Here is another: parts! When I read his spec sheet I was overjoyed to see a 308 Holden engine, top loader, Mallory and Holleys – parts that most of us would’ve owned at one time. I have had and still do have a lot of the same gear as GRUNTA. Granted, I’ve never had suicide doors, an ice-freak-housewife-clean undercarriage and chromed stack of tunnels, or a mental red deep-swaged body on airbags.
I know some performance parts vendors would like to be able to do market research to know their target market. I have done it for them. You’re welcome.
• Street Machiner: Buys bigger wheels, smaller steering wheel, better seats, buckets of horsepower.
• Hot Rodder: Buys exhausts shorter than transmissions and ANYTHING chrome.
• Rat Rodder: Buys nothing. However, he swapped his entire wiring harness for a Hurst floor shifter at a swap meet.
• Drag Racer: Buys anything, as long as it’s three grams, 300 grams or 30kg lighter than the part it is replacing.
• Panel Vanner: Buys camphor-wood boxes for his tape collection, good timber from the recycler and bad aftershave.
• Turbo Tweaker: Buys 300-amp alternators, Wifi wanking shaft, sneezing wastegate.
• Ford Owner: Buys jumper leads, tissues, walking shoes.