Keeping romance alive when the going is tough
KING FAMILY PROVES THAT NO MATTER HOW HECTIC OUR LIVES CAN BE – LOVE CONQUERS ALL
Think things get a little busy in your household?
Then spare a thought for the Kings.
Dad Daniel and Mum BJ live the trials and tribulations, the confusion and chaos that raising six children (Brittany 19, Chloe 18, Wade 17, Toby 12, Logan 10 and Declan 8) can bring to everyday life.
A family of eight will keep any household in a constant flux of turmoil – getting ready for school and work, lunches to be made, dentist appointments, haircuts, weekend sport, fetes, eisteddfods – the list is endless.
There’s just not enough hours in the day – and certainly, very little time for romance. Or so you’d think. Everywhere we turn during the month of February we’re reminded of love and allure and the importance of sharing our lives.
It’s a message Daniel and BJ hear loud and clear, because not even the size and demands of their family unit can shut down Cupid’s influence.
When asked: “How do you manage finding time to be together?” BJ has a simple, yet telling answer: “We make time”.
And therein lies the secret to maintaining a loving relationship – as snowed under as we all get by life, it’s vitally important to set aside special time for partners.
“People need to realise they are a couple before they became parents,” BJ explains.
“Too many people get so caught up in being parents that they lose who they are as a couple, and that’s where relationships break down.
“There is no harm in taking a night off here and there to do something special together.”
It’s a wonderful philosophy, that we all should take to heart, made even more incredible given the King’s youngest boys need extra attention.
Through consultations with their paediatrician and a child psychologist, they discovered Logan and Declan were autistic.
The disorder is characterised by
challenges with social skills, repetitive behaviours, speech and non-verbal communication in sufferers and can put a great demand on parents’ time.
“When I found out I was sad, but also relieved to have answers,” BJ recalls.
And while Logan and Declan share the condition, the behavioural patterns of the boys couldn’t be more apart.
“Declan is very shy and quiet and does not do well meeting new people or groups, whereas Logan is overly social and would happily walk off with anyone new,” BJ explains.
“So, taking Logan out can be very stressful as he does not have any stranger danger awareness and that can get quite scary.
“Then, with Declan, taking him out can cause high anxiety and mood swings depending on where we are going.
“Afternoons are hard as both of the boys seem to hold in their emotions while at school and have a lot of meltdowns in the afternoons.
“So, that can be hard on the other kids in the house!”
Raising a growing family and dealing with the disruptive day-to-day impacts autism can have on a household can take its toll on any relationship.
One-on-one time is at a premium because other priorities will always skip to the front of the line, but for the Kings, the romance is just as strong.
“We love being together and doing things,” BJ declares.
“We were both young when we first got together, so we have grown up with each other. When it comes to our home life, I think we are a mix (of romance and practicality), but definitely head over heels for each other.”
BJ and husband Daniel have shared a life together now for 21 years, with eldest Brittany coming on the scene a year after they met. The others soon followed and that cosy (and quiet) household of two became a distant memory.
But BJ insists everyone still needs to set aside time to share with their spouse.
“Daniel and I try and have alone time a few times a week,” she said, “and, we go on dates at least once a week.”
It’s a fail-safe blueprint for keeping the fires burning while still juggling the gruelling expectations of parenthood.
And it’s also a great reminder that true love doesn’t come with an expiry date.