Bushranger
Officially honourable
FORMER politicians are usually described by a few choice adjectives. One – “Honourable” – has nine letters, five more than the usual adjectives. Bushranger’s favourite bedtime reading, The NT Government Gazette, this week confirmed that Adam Giles, Peter Styles, Peter “The Other Peter” Chandler and Willem “Dragonfruit” Westra van Holthe are all now officially honourable.
Officially pests
In other news, the Northern Territory has two new declared pests. The blue bomber parking inspectors are not one of them — they’re the Tomato Potato Psyllid and Candidatus Liberibacter solanacearum.
“Possible drunks”
Darwin Mayor Katrina Fong Lim this week declared a “humanitarian crisis” in her city’s CBD. K-Fong reckons there are too many drunks in the city. “Look out into our parks and into the mall ... and people see possibly drunks, people misbehaving,” she said. Full disclosure: Bushranger is often one of them. The real crisis is looming in August this year: council elections. Bushranger’s going to need a few drinks to get through those.
What about me?
HONORARY Territorian Shannon Noll got off the hook this week after Adelaide prosecutors dropped an assault charge Noll was handed after an incident at the Hindley St gentlemen’s establishment, the Crazy Horse. “Justice prevails,” Nollsy said on Facebook. Cue the Guy Sebastian haters, who still can’t take a trick 14 years later. One said: “The only assault the police should be inves- tigating is the assault on the Australian publics hearts after Australian idol 2003.”
Tainted Rose?
The Bushy understands fear has struck through certain segments of Darwin’s movers and shakers this week as NT News journos dug around for the Territory’s most eligible bachelors and bachelorettes. Most were willing to dish the dirt on their friends or workmates, even quite happy to nominate a few others to be put under the microscope. However, being nominated themselves was seen as an open invitation for someone to the take the piss at the next dinner/work meeting/shindig. See more on pages 10-11.
Cute little number
THE Grand Man himself, Johan Elferink (not honourable) will make his glorious return to the Northern Territory in coming weeks to give evidence at the royal commission. Meanwhile, he’s been busy defending celeb Kendall Jenner, whose new Pepsi ad caused a few ruffled feathers this week. A friend asked: “Were you compelled to buy a Pepsi?” The Elf responded curiously: “Yes, in my endless quest to be able to slip effortlessly into a size eight sequined short skirt. I’m on my tenth can now.”
Not April fools
A GOBSMACKED Territorian told Bushranger how stunned they were this week over what they thought, at first, was a late April Fools’ Day joke. Telstra, not known for being speedy at with anything, managed to deliver a new mobile phone from one side of the city to the other, within a day of him ordering it.
Ageing gracefully
A 73-year-old bloke found himself dragged before the almost-septuagenarian Judge Mi
chael Carey this week. Like all judges, Mr Carey will be put out to pasture on his 70th birthday. The old codger (the defendant) who still works a day job, was facing a couple of minor gun charges. Defence lawyer Peter
Maley made a good effort at buttering up the soon-to-retire judge. “His advice is don’t retire, no matter how old you are,” Mr Maley said. Mr Carey asked “Is that aimed at someone in particular?”
French busted
THE backpackers are upon us. On Tuesday, in classic backpacker style, housemates Ma
thilde Baixe and Coralie Grapeloup decided they needed some soap, but didn’t want to pay for it. Both spent eight hours in the cells at Darwin Watchhouse after being arrested. The pair each emptied a cereal box and went through Coles Casuarina loading it up with hair and skin care products and food. At the checkout they scanned the boxes but not the contents. They two were fined $350 each. The judge said: “You might be surprised a number of backpackers come to court for this sort of offence — and most appear to come from France.”
The end is nigh
That fateful day is nearing when Hot Cross Buns become unavailable for several months. Bushranger would like to put the challenge out there to any Darwin bakeries who can commit to supplying the Easter delicacies year-round. Bushranger can guarantee the sale of at least two packets a week.