Why the fascination with fascinators?
THE fashion industry has played women for fools for millennia.
We’ve been tricked into wearing and doing all sorts of stupid things in the pursuit of beauty.
This past decade and a half alone we’ve injected who knows what into lips, worn those weird underboob belts and tops with the shoulders inexplicably removed.
Thankfully, most of these trends have been fleeting. They’ve had their moment and we’ve all emerged from whatever collective delusion made us think low-slung jeans were a good idea feeling more than a little sheepish.
Which makes the enduring popularity of the fascinator all the more bewildering. It’s the greatest trick the fashion industry has ever played – to somehow convince women we will look like fools at the racetrack unless we attach a strange mess of feathers and felts to our heads.
My interest in horse racing is casual at best but as a passionate devotee of day drinking, I venture to the turf club about once a year to drink loads of weekday wine in the sun in a setting which makes that a completely socially acceptable thing to do rather than the actions of an alcoholic.
Racing in Australia comes with plenty of rules, for spectators as well as competitors.
Not too tight. Hemlines to ON THE ‘ABDUCKTION’ OF EIGHT HUMPTY DOO DUCKS
3 little ducks went out one day, over the hill & far away! Brennan Robert Louise
Ever thought of hawks? Watched one the other day try to take a small dog out of someone’s yard in Palmy. Wayne Bongart
Nice one Desi! Watch out – they’ll be after you next! Rudolph Guinea
If it’s not box jellyfish or crocodiles it’s bloody aliens!!!! Ashlee Duncan the knee. Sequins and metallics are a no-no. Black and white for Derby Day. No denim under any circumstances or you’ll be taken behind the green sheet and shot.
For the most part, I’m on board. Dressing up is a big part of the attraction of racing and if you want to enjoy the daytime boozing, you should respect your hosts.
But I cannot get my head around fascinators.
Racing is an outdoor activity, perfectly suited to the wearing of a hat.
But for some reason, many, many women bypass this wonderfully practical option and choose instead to adorn themselves with extremely expensive fascinators. Mmmmm crispy duck is on the menu at the market. Julie Smith It always pays to have your ducks in a row! Deb Burfoot
Check the fence for zip ties??? Or spray paint? Or suspicious looking rocks on the roadside? Robby Timney They have some great strains of weed I reckon. Paul Wallace Motherplucking aliens. Alan Specketer
So essentially the farmer was left with the 2 stupidest ducks ... what a goose. Anthony Gallagher
These often leave their wearer with a crook neck after hours of holding the head at an unnatural angle to delay their inevitable slide to the floor.
Getting into a car is almost impossible when you have a metre of polyester netting attached to your noggin.
Last Darwin Ladies Day, I sported for a time a plastic rooster mask – the type that goes completely over the wearer’s head – plucked from a photo booth props box.
It was impossible to breathe in and smelled like latex mixed with a dozen other people’s champagne and salmon hors d’oeuvre breath, but its sun protective qualities meant it was still more practical and comfortable than most of the I would have thought fox or snake. Monica Charlotte Beam me up Ducky … Mike Wing What a quack up. Will Moore
Them pesky aliens … they’re always up to something. Sandy van Gendt Plucked the duck from the yard … Bassie Boo Come and get my naughty rooster. Carolyn GP
What I really wanna know is why the last 2 are shit. Jessica La Fontaine Hmm poor ducks. Gregory Korn Ducking aliens at it again. Amelia Pallpratt
Next headline “Aliens looking for Donald Trump but find Donald ducks instead”. Cherie Conroy ON SHOCKING FOOTAGE OF A WOOLIES BRAWL
And the people there who do nothing about it. Bystander behaviour. Aaron Whittaker Bring back the rope and a Sunday hanging. Phil Grant Just another day in paradise … Tracey Maiden ON SUPERMARKETS GIVING EXTRA POINTS TO PEOPLE WHO BRING THEIR OWN BAGS
Does that mean for all those years I was in Darwin using my own bags I get backpaid? Victor Nobbs
How are people finding this so difficult? What a bunch of entitled bloody sooks! Bron Brosnan
They need to stop rewarding bad behaviour. Charge as required for bags or the customer needs to bring suitable bags with them. In SA ten years of the compulsory bag bans and us, Tas, NZ have all survived and thrived. So get on with it. Stop acting like babies. Beth Dianne Shepherd