Reality of ethics

AS a couples counsellor and clinical sexologist I was thrilled to see the first season of Married at First Sight.

I was interested in the “experiment” and followed what the experts said and their choice of couplings with great enthusiasm.

Unfortunately, with season 6 about to wrap up, I am left with a feeling of shame that my profession is being manipulated to the point of being unethical and damaging for the sake of entertainment.

What happened to duty of care?

Therapists are not supposed to control or tell clients how to live their lives. However we do have a responsibility to ensure their safety.

Reality TV is notorious for being not so “real”, so should we be bothered by it or should we just accept it as entertainment?

In my opinion, the content we watch or read influences the decisions we make.

This doesn’t mean that if we watch the crime channel we are now going to go and commit a crime, but it does sway our decisions when we want to do something outside of our normal value system.

In order to satisfy our “instant gratification” impulse we can tend to rationalise why we can “get away with it”.

The more we see others behaving in that manner the more likely we are to indulge.

The more we normalise and glamorise behaviour that we would not normally stand for, the more we rationalise why we don’t have to live by our values.

Ultimately this leads to unhappiness.

A man who clearly wants to leave the show and avoid further pain and humiliation, is being kept by his “wife” so she can meet with another man! Surely, “enough is enough”.

All psychologists and counsellors are bound by the ethics of their profession.

As this MAFS is marketed as a social experiment, the psy- chologists have a responsibility to ensure the participants come to no harm.

In this setting what is happening to Mick is bordering on abusive.

I have no doubt these participants have signed many documents consenting to the rules of the show.

However can you truly give informed consent in this context?

The credibility of the show has taken a downturn as the antics of Davina Rankin and Dean Wells in season 5 set the stage for partner swapping.

It is rationalised now by “I came here for love, so I am going to do what it takes”.

That’s all well and good, but do it off screen.

Instant pheromone attrac- tion does not last.

At least in season 5 we saw Tracey Jewel choose her dignity over Dean.

We can acknowledge that infidelity happens in relationships. Someone ultimately gets hurt and betrayed.

We don’t often get to see the betrayal being played out before our eyes, hence the strong reactions of the public against Jess and Innes.

In this setting do two strangers really have the motivation or tools to invest in a quasi-relationship?

Probably not, although I give full marks to Mark for his endurance with Ningh.

All I am saying is, don’t humiliate yourself or others.

Do it with as much respect as possible.

Unfortunately “Cyclone Cyrell”, while on the right track morally distracted us from the message as she selfdestructed.

It appears “the experts” are no longer relevant. They are mostly out of the loop hearing about events long after we, the audience, have viewed them and established our own opinions.

There is very little intervention or support, unless all that footage is in the editing folder?

I have been pleasantly surprised by the men of this season.

Nic has behaved in an exceptional manner after living with an unpredictable firecracker.

It speaks volumes about him as a man that he has not divulged Jessica’s advances, and how he has handled Cyrell’s brother who is the worst case of Napoleon complex I have seen.

While Mike be “gaslighting” Heidi at times, he seems to be having some genuine personal growth.

I value my profession and see the good work relationship therapists and sexologists do every day.

We are not solitary creatures and all need a helping hand to navigate the complexities of relationships at times.

Reality TV is notorious for being not so “real”, so should we be bothered by it or should we just accept it as entertainment? In my opinion, the content we watch or read influences the decisions we make.