Gadget guru

The great hot tub frenzy of 2020 and why you should always stockpile dishwasher tablets.

So it’s been a bit of a weird few months. I know that because at the last count, I have had 12,037 emails that begin “Dear [insert name] I hope you and your loved ones are safe and well during this crazy time.” Then, pleasantries having been dispensed with, they add: “We have a new phone charger that would be great for you to write about in TechLife, [name]!”

In some ways, the Great Lockdown of 2020 was a gift, to those of us who remained healthy. I’d also get emails from work contacts I actually do know, asking if I was going to write something about those headphones they sent me three weeks ago. I would say, “Sorry, it’s been a crazy time,” and they would just say, “Yes, it is terrible, I hope you and yours are well and safe, at this crazy time.” Suckers.

Of course, this crisis will have a terrible and long-lasting impact on most parts of the tech world. Product development has been stalled, this year’s big launches will be way less successful than they would have been and certain sectors – hi-fi, for instance – have been put under awful pressure.

The ironic thing is, though, that certain brands must have done extremely well out of it all. Many of Future’s websites have seen record traffic, as a captive audience of extremely bored people desperately looked for stuff to buy or do. It’s certainly not only been makers of toilet roll who have benefitted from the craziness.

With hindsight, TP was the canary in the coal mine that warned us all the world was about to go mad. The sight of people wrestling over Sorbent is a disturbing one that will linger long in the shared memory. Personally, I did not stockpile that. In fact the only thing I stockpiled was dishwasher tablets. I figure if push comes to shove, I can wipe my arse with anything, but I sure as hell am not going back to doing the dishes manually. No way.

As ‘full lockdown’ approached, another thing I slightly panicked about was record player styluses. No, really. I bought a new turntable just before it all kicked off, and it did not come with a cartridge.

I ended up getting one just in time, with the help of Audio-Technica. I had to call up a woman working from her kitchen and pay for it over the phone, which isn’t something I’ve done for a while. Disaster averted, though.

While I was probably among a small handful of people desperate to buy a record player cartridge, I know that lots of tech things immediately began to sell out. Certain products were as soughtafter as gold, or quilted bum wipes.

Some of these things made perfect sense – hair clippers and home gym equipment, for instance. Another great irony of this period has been that I’ve found myself editing a lot of online stories about buying home gym equipment, and not drinking, so as to avoid ‘lockdown weight gain’. But in order to do that, I’ve had to push aside vast swathes of empties from my kitchen table, in order to make space for both my laptop and my now enormous gut.

Some of the sell-out items came more out of left field. Have you ever considered buying a hot tub before? No, me neither. But a run of warm days coupled with the stark realisation that the garden was gonna get a lot of use this year, sent them flying off shelves. I did a roundup of where you could buy hot tubs – the Pulitzer Prize is nailed on, I’m sure – and it immediately started doing a load of traffic that did not let up.

There was a lot of talk of people using bots to snap up sought-after items, with a view to reselling them at a fat profit. So maybe all the hot tubs ended up in one guy’s garage, just as the weather started to turn. Watch out for them on eBay.

Hopefully by the time you read this, the worst will be over and the ‘situation’ more stabilised. I’m writing this one on the day we go to press. Not because I’m lazy, you understand. It’s just been a crazy time. Stay safe.

I have had 12,037 emails that begin “Dear [insert name] I hope you and your loved ones are safe and well during this crazy time.”