Anti-5G USB stick

Buy a three-pack and you get a free anti-mind control hat. £283.00, 5gbioshield.com/shop/5g-bioshield-usb

5G is a new thing, and new things are scary… especially when your favourite community Facebook group keeps posting how scary 5G is. Thankfully there’s a really simple solution to all your 5G concerns: a USB thumb drive shield. The 5GBioShield thumb drive includes a heaps-scientific ‘magneto-electric fog shield’ that uses a ‘quantum nano-layer’ of something to block all the bad vibes you get from 5G. While a teardown of the product by the BBC revealed that there was no real 5G-blocking tech inside, at least you’ll still be safe from any potential negative effects of

5G, cause… ya know, everyone already is.

We’re holding out for the company’s next products: a $600 coronavirusrepelling fidget-spinner and a free secure Zimbabwean prince money transfer application.