How do you keep the sun off your house?

The windows of Guru Towers are perpetually curtained, because GaGu must do anything possible to maintain his local reputation as a spooky technological vampire. He uses Ikea’s blockout range (the Majgull and Hilleborg lines) for inconspicuous super-dark drapes. On those windows without curtains Guru didn’t need to stray far, with Ikea’s Fyrtur smart blinds doing a credible job of squashing the influence of that pesky glowing orb in the sky.

Conservatories are, as we all know, the absolute worst. They just are. GaGu, naturally, has two of them, being both a glutton for punishment and something of a liar. To treat the polycarbonate one, he’s used special film; there are loads to choose from, some with a mirror finish, some frosted, which go between the layers of polycarbonate and provide surprisingly adequate insulation, UV blocking and sun reflection. GaGu would suggest getting it fitted properly by someone who knows what they’re doing, and trusting their judgement on which to get.

On the glass conservatory, you can get glass with actual blinds

If you are a sun-hater, just be sure to stock up on vitamin D supplements!

built into it, which seems to Guru to be a dumb idea if the blind breaks and you need to replace the whole window unit. But outdoor blinds are a revelation. While it might seem equally stupid to put blinds on the outside of your glass, it’s really not: why allow the sunlight to bounce around between your glass and your blinds when you could stop it before you get there?

ADAM LAWLOR

Do I need a headphone amp?

Ooh, now. Don’t be trying to bait Guru into one of those audiophile traps he’s heard so much about. This is one of those situations where you’ll ask GaGu a question like ‘are these $5,000 speaker cables worth it’ and he will scoff, pat you sweetly on the head, bellow a resounding ‘no’ and then spend the next two years getting angry crayon-written letters from foamy fellows so trapped in their audio investment they cannot help but believe whatever is fed to them. If you’re already composing your missive, try not to get too much spittle on it.

High-end audio has its place, no doubt. Some of it is utterly incredible. But the gap between the low and high end of audio is, for the most part and for most people, a mere crack in the pavement; there are far too many cases where an audio placebo is hailed as the next sonic wonderdrug.

GaGu has taken a breath now, so let’s gently exhale a proper answer as the purple drains from his face. The answer is no, you probably don’t need a discrete headphone amp, with a fair emphasis on the ‘probably’. It does depend on what earwear you’re rocking, and whether your current amp can throw enough voltage at those high-impedance headphones to drive them properly. Planar magnetic cans, for example, actually do sound incredible, and they demand power. Some literally will not work without a headphone amp.

It also depends on how well your amplifier handles common-orgarden headphones, and whether its current 1/2-inch jack is a feature or a concession. If it’s the latter, you’ll probably already know why you want a headphone amp. And frankly, it depends on how often you lean back in that chair and let music trickle delightfully into your ears; headphone amps can make an appreciable difference to warmth and quality, but don’t buy one unless you actually need one.

DAVE Q

Gadget Guru’s magic box

A number of things of varying interestingness have crossed Guru’s desk this month. First, sent completely unsolicited from the lovely folks at Innr, the FL 120 C Smart Light Flex 2M

Colour. It is a Hue-compatible LED light strip which, like every other Innr thing GaGu has tested, does a really good job. The colour range is decent, the hardware itself looks well built as far as LED strips go, and Guru assumes it’s slightly more cheap than the equivalent product from Philips. He says ‘assumes’ because Guru cannot actually find this for sale in Australia. Perhaps that’s coming soon.

Second, the really rather cool Nighthawk XR500 router from the guys at Netgear. Outwardly it almost manages to sidestep the designers’ predilections for creating unsavoury plinths which look like they’re designed for ritual sacrifice, but not quite. There’s still a definite gamer flavour to it, which is pretty appropriate because on the inside this thing has some steroid-infused muscle. It’s bursting with QoS and Geofencing and heavyweight network-tweaking tools, it’s packed with processing power, and its Wi-Fi range, next to GaGu’s trusty Orbi mesh network, is remarkable.

Finally a thing which has not crossed Guru’s desk, but he very much wishes it would if it actually exists, is the rumoured upgrade to the Oculus Quest. His own fairly-new Quest has seen a lot of use; the follow up looks set to have more RAM, a juiced-up Snapdragon chipset, a reduction in weight and size, and even more fluid controllers. Do note that

Guru is basing this preview entirely on lazy internet

guesswork.

Is 5G really bad for me?

Guru gets this question quite a lot. He honestly can’t remember if he’s answered the question before, or just in two-hour long conversations with his concerned mother, but let him put it succinctly. No. Just no. There’s no actual evidence that 5G frequencies can cause any harm. They fall into the band of non-ionising radiation, well below that of visible light, and don’t have enough energy to do anything to your meaty bits.

In the interests of false balance, since this seems to be a thing these days, read the next bit only if Facebook has already convinced you that Guru’s actual properly researched advice based on actual science is wrong: oh, absolutely it’s dangerous. 5G activates the nanobots contained in all those psuedo-vaccines the government has forced you to have for mind control reasons, and then it kicks your dog for good measure. Your little toe will definitely fall off if you get anywhere near a 5G mast. It will turn your hair to cheese. The Earth is flat. HAYLEY