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Jodie found a unique way to beat the bully over the fence

My neighbour Howard was awful. I’d often hear him yelling at his wife, Hannah, about something or other.

He often yelled at me too, usually about my lawn being ‘too long and untidy’.

One night, he came around to my place.

‘Isn’t it time you cut your grass?’ he grunted. ‘Otherwise I’ll get a mate from the council to look at it. I wouldn’t be surprised if you got evicted.’

‘My son’s coming to do it on Sunday,’ I stammered.

He pushed his face into mine. ‘He’d better,’ he said. I slammed the door.

Next day, I was out hanging the washing and saw Howard installing a spa in his yard.

‘Got myself a love tub for cold winter nights,’ he said over the fence. ‘You can join me in it one evening – seeing you don’t have a man of your own.’

‘No thanks,’ I said, sick at the thought. In the mountains where we lived, temperatures often dropped to minus 10, but I’d rather freeze to death than to go anywhere near Howard’s ‘love tub’!

The following Monday, I woke up with a cold and called in sick to work. A couple of hours later I saw Howard hop over the fence and use my backyard tap to fill up his spa.

He must have thought I was at work! I was too scared to confront him, especially as I knew Hannah was away visiting her sister. Later, he jumped back over the fence and disconnected his hose.

I hid inside all day. I had no doubt he’d done this before to water his garden when I was at work. My water bill had doubled over the past year, and now I knew why!

I sat there seething until finally I hit on a plan. All it would take was a trip to the shop, a visit to a mate’s place, and a lot of guts…

Two days later, as soon as I heard Howard in the backyard, I went outside. ‘Changed your mind, have you?’ he leered. ‘I’m going to get my gear off and get into this hot tub. You can come and feel the heat with me.’ Then he took off the cover, and roared with anger. ‘You did this, didn’t you?’ he yelled. I looked in the tub and laughed my head off. It was one big red jelly! ‘Yep,’ I grinned. ‘You’ve had it!’ he cried. That’s when I brought out my secret weapon – my friend’s huge German Shepherd that I’d borrowed the night before. ‘Come near me and you’ll answer to my mate Buster,’ I said. Buster snarled on cue. In reality, he was the most docile dog in the world, but Howard stopped in his tracks.

‘And if you ever speak to me again, I’m telling the council you’ve been stealing my water,’ I said defiantly. ‘I’m sure Hannah would like to know what you’ve been saying too – inviting me into your ‘love tub’. And if you ever yell at her again, I’m calling the cops!’

Even an idiot like Howard knew when he was beaten. He went as red as the jelly in the tub and spent the rest of the day scrubbing out the spa. After all, how would he explain that to his wife when she returned?

Howard hasn’t spoken to me since. I haven’t heard him yell at Hannah either. It was worth every cent I paid for the 40 packs of jelly at the supermarket.

After I switched off the power, Mother Nature stepped in and that cold night set the jelly a treat! G

‘Come near me and you’ll answer to my mate Buster’

Once a popular truck-stop on the highway between Sydney and Melbourne, the fictional town of Rainer has become better known as the site of multiple tragic murders 17 years ago. After an attempt to rekindle the town’s tourism industry, a tour guide is found dead in what looks like a copycat Ripper killing – bringing up old traumas for the town. A classic whodunnit novel, located in a rural town that we can all picture, this is a real

Australian page-turner.

Holly Campbell

- Acting picture editor