THE POWER OF US: a young couple fighting adversity and taking on the world
Barney Miller, a quadriplegic, and his wife Kada refuse to accept limitations on how they live. Barney not only stood for his bride at their wedding but together, they tell Sue Smethurst, they are looking to a life of surfing, songs and, one day, a famil
There’s a phrase written in big bold letters on chalkboard at Barney and Kada Miller’s beachside home. It’s a line from the Hugh Jackman movie The Greatest Showman that goes: “A million dreams for the world we’re gonna make.”
In fact, in every corner of their coastal hideaway sits a spark of inspiration – it may be a book, a quote, a photo or the impressive collection of mementos from dreams already achieved, reminding all who come into their realm of their mantra: anything is possible in life.
“There’s nothing sweeter than achieving something you’ve been told you can’t,” says Barney, proudly pointing out a prized gold trophy he claimed last year when he won a surfing World Title in the United States.
In 1999, David “Barney” Miller,
39, then a talented young surfer with the world at his feet, was involved in a shocking car crash. He was pronounced dead on arrival at Sydney’s Royal North Shore Hospital, but he refused to die. Barney, as he is affectionately known, miraculously survived but faced life in a wheelchair as a quadriplegic. He was told he’d never walk or breathe unassisted again.
His young wife Kada, 28, has also endured her share of pain – a troubled teen, she left home when her life ran off the rails, with alcohol, teen sex and bad influences taking her down a path of certain destruction.
Whether it’s a miracle, fate or just plain luck, somehow the stars aligned when these two crossed paths 10 years ago. Now they’re sharing the inspiring story of how they’ve turned their lives around in a new book, The Essence of You and Me.
“We just want to show people that anything’s possible,” Barney says.
“We are living proof.”
Barney remembers the Easter day that changed his life forever with crystal clarity. He was just 20 years old and on the cusp of joining the pro-surfing circuit when a workmate who was driving them both to a job, lost control on a bend in the road,
flipping the car and slamming it into a tree. Barney was trapped in the wreckage and barely clinging to life when the ambulance arrived. He was placed into an induced coma, waking to the news that he had broken his neck and sustained a severe spinal injury. He was a C6 injury, meaning complete paralysis and no ability to regain movement or function below the level of his injury.
Barney was told bluntly by medical staff that not only wouldn’t he surf or play football ever again, he’d need a ventilator to help him breathe, his right arm would never regain function and he wouldn’t be able to move from below the chest to his toes, or use his hands, triceps, bladder or bowels. It was devastating news for the popular surfer and footballer who was full of life and always the life of the party, and he refused to succumb to the diagnosis.
“My first reaction was, ‘Who are you to tell me what I can or cannot do?’ ” he says.
But the reality was that it wasn’t until eight years later, when he met Kate “Kada” Southwell, that he kicked off the shadow of depression that had followed him since the accident and found the motivation to fight for dreams he’d almost given up on.
The couple met at the Sawtell Chilli Festival in 2007 and instantly struck up a friendship. Over a period of months their friendship blossomed into love. Kada never saw Barney’s disability or his wheelchair – what she saw in him was a generous soul and an honest heart. She felt completely comfortable when she was around him. She also saw in Barney a cheeky spark, determined to achieve whatever he wished for. In Kada, Barney found the positive reinforcement he needed.
With Kada’s encouragement, he began intensive physical therapy in Australia and the United States, and recovered enough movement that he could head back into the ocean. With a little help from friends, last year he won a gold medal in the AS5 division of the World Adaptive Surfing Championship, a Paralympic style event for surfers with physical challenges, and became a World Surfing Champion.
“When I won I was so emotional, I was on the beach and didn’t know what to do. I was crying and laughing, it was awesome. I never thought
I’d get back into the water after my accident,” he says. “Growing up,
I always dreamed of winning a world title, but this is sweeter than anything I’d imagined back then, because I’ve had to fight twice as hard for it. And with so much to overcome, it just makes it more enjoyable.”
While Barney was pursuing his dream, inspired by Kada, she had been harbouring a secret ambition of her own. A talented singer, Kada wanted to pursue her love of music but was too nervous to share “part of my soul” with her partner. It was almost by accident that he overhead Kada singing in the living room.
“I was checking some emails and heard this angelic voice from the kitchen,” he says. “At first I thought it was coming from the radio, then I realised it was Kada. Not only could she sing, but she could play piano and write music. I stopped what I was doing immediately and went out to her and said, ‘You are incredible, why did you never tell me you’re a singer?’” “Because I’m not,” was her response. Kada opened her heart about her love of singing and the couple made a pact to support one another to achieve their goals. While in the United States for Barney’s treatment, he encouraged her to perform at an open-mic session in Los Angeles, which led to an invitation to sing The Star-Spangled Banner at a US Major League Baseball game. Her talents were realised and the rest, as they say, is history – she signed a record deal and released an album in 2014, with her second album due out mid-year.
“Singing gave me a voice I never felt like I had,” says Kada, reflecting on years of self-destruction and self-loathing she endured during a difficult adolescence. “I love singing and I sing because that is the gift I was given, it’s my contribution to the world. Music has the ability to bring people together and heal.”
The young couple are enjoying a wave of success, which Kada says was the result of believing in themselves.
Today they are regularly invited to schools to speak with teens and recently filmed a documentary, You and Me about their journey together. It was the response to both which inspired them to write the book.
“We both feel a great sense of gratitude for the lessons life has taught us,” Barney says. “There’s been hard times and there’s been really, really, hard times, but I’m grateful knowing I can overcome anything thrown my way. If we can help one other person by sharing our story, then we’ll be really happy.”
“I wrote as if I was writing to my teenage self,” Kada adds. “This book is for anyone who feels alone or feels like their dreams and goals don’t matter, anyone that’s not in a good place we want to show that anything is possible in life.”
Next year will mark the 20th year since Barney’s accident. He will have been quadriplegic as long as he was able-bodied prior to the accident. He still remembers the freedom of movement he enjoyed and uses that sensation to motivate him during therapy. Amazingly, despite what he’s been through he says he’s grateful for what has happened, and has achieved more since the accident than he could’ve ever imagined.
“After one of the school talks a student asked me, ‘What would you say to the driver of the car if you saw him again?’ Without any hesitation I said, ‘I’d probably say thank you because I’ve had the most amazing life since. The people I’ve met, the
“I never thought I’d get back into the water after my accident.”
life lessons I’ve learnt, the things
I’ve learnt about myself, I never may have learned without being tested.
I’ve almost lived two lives and I appreciate the journey I’ve been on.”
On each arm he has the words “Live” and “Life” tattooed. In the early days after his accident, they were a constant reminder to keep going, but when Kada came along he needed no further motivation.
Now Barney is looking forward to defending his world title on the emerging Adaptive Surfing World Tour, and Kada is counting down until the release of her new songs.
The goal of one day walking again is very real and he works hard each day at physical therapy to give himself the best chance. The couple keep a close eye on scientific breakthroughs but refuse to live their life for what might be in the future, choosing instead to savour the moment.
“Seeing Barney’s progress in therapy is healing in itself,” Kada says. “We are living at the same time as Barney is healing. Sometimes you can dedicate your whole life to healing and forget along the way why you are healing.”
“Medical science is moving at a rapid rate,” Barney adds. “I try to keep up with what’s going on, but I’m living for the now, not what might be in the future.”
There’s still a big wish list to tick off. There’s more surfing, more songs and hopefully a family sometime down the track, but it’s clear that whatever the future holds, this is just the first chapter of an inspiring love story.
“The thing I love so much about our relationship is that we will never stop believing in one another’s dreams and goals,” Kada says. “When we both say, ‘this is what we want to achieve,’ we will do whatever it takes to make it happen for one another and to do that together is very special.
“There’s no doubt we’ve achieved what we have because we are both together,” Barney says, “I wouldn’t have achieved what I have without Kada.
“I’m slowly chipping away at the big picture of walking and surfing standing up – the big goal is to win a world title standing up!” he grins cheekily. “I tell my mates on the pro-surfing tour I’m going to come back and be the oldest rookie to qualify!”
The Essence of You and Me by
Kada and Barney Miller, published by Hachette, is on sale from April 10.