His praise can be damning
WHEN Queensland’s Minister for Women, Shannon Fentiman, raised the thorny issue of sexism in the workplace last week after she was complimented about her appearance while the men were asked about their various policy positions, she endured quite a backlash.
Columnist Mike O’Connor wrote (CM Sept 30): “Was this another ugly example of sexism or was it just possible that the reason the person in question failed to ask Ms Fentiman her opinion was that he didn’t particularly value it?”
O’Connor then went on to say it wasn’t because Fentiman was a woman she was asked about her hair but because she wasn’t respected in her professional role.
If the lady can’t “take” a compliment, offer her a sexist insult instead.
Regardless of whether you agree with O’Connor’s interpretation or think he should answer that call from the 1950s, asking for their sexism back, the point Fentiman makes still stands: there’s an unhealthy focus on professional women’s appearance, age and domestic life, compared to their male counterparts.
While many understand and rail against overt types of sexism, which can manifest as street harassment, unobjectified welcome advances, put-downs, exclusion, and a range of ignorant and mocking behaviours another, less recognised type abounds. Called “benevolent sexism”, it arouses a great deal of confusion and can often attract hostile responses when confronted.
Dr Judith Hall, who led a study on benevolent sexism, defines it as “less negative on the surface and more paternalistic, reflecting a chivalrous and subjectively positive view of women …”
She argues that “men who demonstrate this ‘well-intentioned’ sexism see women as warm and pure, yet helpless, incompetent, and in need of men’s protection”.
Considered just as damaging as other kinds because it feeds the perception of women as inferior, benevolent sexism often uses compliments to disguise the fact a woman is being both and her skills in the workplace, experience and talents reduced to fashion sense and appearance alone.
When these kinds of compliments are challenged (often it’s not the content but the context that’s wrong), women can find themselves the target of abuse.
Labelled “lefty whiners”, “man-haters”, “ugly”, “uptight”, charged with adopting a victim position, told to learn to take a compliment, or to “lighten up”, they’re viciously denigrated.
In other words, the fault lies with their “oversensitive” selves, not the person delivering the “compliment”.
Daring to confront and question certain compliments, something that’s perceived as a social norm, even when they’re used to control, silence or diminish, women like Fentiman, female athletes and actors, open a can of toxic worms.
They’re swiftly reminded of their rightful position (shut up and take it) and the gratitude they should be expressing that a man deigned to notice and flatter them in the first place.
Like O’Connor, I was raised at a time when it was considered appropriate to express appreciation of women’s appearance. A time effectively portrayed in TV show Mad Men.
But times have changed and awareness of what compliments can mean, how they can be potent political weapons wielded to deride as much as bolster, and how easily they can be misconstrued and reduce women’s professionalism (even if this isn’t the intention), needs to be paid respectful attention.
To suggest, as often happens, that women can’t take or give compliments, or worse, it’s only feminists who can’t, is ridiculous.
Women, including those who identify as feminists, often receive compliments that they graciously accept and appreciate.
Yet, every day, all over the world, professional women who are not models or females making a living based on aesthetics and who don’t use their body as a brand, are being told how good they do or don’t look – as if nothing else about them matters.
They’re reminded of their primary value at the same time as they’re being devalued.
How can we take professionals in any occupation seriously when we’re more concerned with their appearance than performance?