Mother of all dramas
IN-LAW AN ISSUE? TRY USING SOME DIPLOMACY AND TAKING A FEW DEEP BREATHS, WRITES
QI HAVE an interfering mother-in-law and I can’t handle her any more. My husband does not do anything to help the situation. He just turns a blind eye. I’m fed up with her constant interfering, humiliation and troublemaking. She has overdosed my son with medication, ignoring my instructions and giving him double the dosage. She tried to give him prescription medication she had at her home. I told her not to but she did it anyway. I do not trust her to look after my son.
ASPOOKY MOVIES
Dim the lights and find an appropriate spooky movie. There are countless options but standout flicks include
Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Monster House, Hotel Transylvania, Corpse Bride Addams Family.
and DON’T let your motherin-law look after your son. If you cannot trust her, but want your son to spend time with her, create safe boundaries around her time with him, and do not go beyond those. If leaving him alone in her care is causing this much angst in your life, don’t leave him alone with her. Stay and visit, then take him home.
If you are using your mother-in-law to assist with childcare, you need to find a new carer immediately.
If she can’t be trusted to be safe – particularly with medication – then she should not have your son in situations where she cannot be appropriately supervised.
I sense that your biggest concerns, however, are with your husband. It can be challenging when you don’t see eye-to-eye with someone you love. Let’s take a small step back and consider your husband’s relationship to his mum, and why things might be challenging for you right now.
My guess is that he loves his mum, just as you love yours.
As a result, when his mum breaches your trust and you get mad at her, he feels defensive and stuck. He doesn’t want to get caught up in criticism of his mum, and doesn’t know how to support you without offending her.
Plus, his mum raised him, and to criticise her leaves him asking, “Are you saying she doesn’t know how to raise children? Didn’t I turn out OK?”
When we question our inlaws, we must be very careful.
They’re the ones who raised the person you chose to spend
GHOSTLY COOK-UP
Fire up the barbecue, crank the “spooky” tunes (Michael Jackson’s
and ACDC’s are musts) and break out the snacks. Serve eyeball drinks in the form of lychees in juice for the kiddies and Twisties’ ‘fingers’.
Thriller
time with so did something OK. It can be hard to argue that your husband turned out well “in spite” of the way he was raised rather than because of the way he was raised.
Highway to Hell CAMPING
It doesn’t get more spooky than ghost stories under torchlight in the great outdoors. Book a camp site and prepare for the spook fest to begin. Keep stories to minimum scare levels for little kids and encourage them to join in. First, you’re absolutely right that it is inappropriate and even dangerous to provide medication in a way contrary to directions. This is potentially harmful and it is entirely understandable that you are distressed. So, remove your son from danger as I described above.
Make alternative childcare arrangements where required, and be present when your son is with his grandmother.
Second, go for a walk, buy an ice cream, and talk to your husband about the situation calmly, compassionately and
PRANKS
Put a tape recorder or a baby monitor in a carved out pumpkin out the front of your house, hide behind a curtain and spook out passers-by. Put on your best ghostly voice and get creative with cat screeches and moans. kindly. Let him know you know that he loves his mum. And you do too, even if she drives you both a bit crazy now and then.
Brainstorm solutions together so he feels less defensive and stuck.
Ask him what you can do to help things go well. And make sure you stay on the topic – these conversations have a way of taking on a life of their own.
If you notice yourself getting angry, take a breath, kiss your husband on the lips for at least 10 seconds and try again.
If you’re angry, all he’ll hear
GET CREATIVE
You don’t have to spend money on official fake blood and other Halloween props. Dig into mum’s make-up to and create fake blood with lipstick. Use eyeliner to make a spider mask and her eyebrow pencil for or scars or a pirate beard. is anger – and your point will be lost. Make sure he is clear you are trying to make things better. And if it all gets too hard, take a break and try again another day.
We all want our kids to be safe and healthy.
When family members put our children at risk, solutions in situations can be hard to find. But if you are patient, persistent, calm and kind, you and your husband can grow through this experience and strengthen your relationships and your family’s wellbeing.
MY GUESS IS THAT HE LOVES HIS MUM, JUST AS YOU LOVE YOURS. AS A RESULT, WHEN HIS MUM BREACHES YOUR TRUST AND YOU GET MAD AT HER, HE FEELS DEFENSIVE AND STUCK