A new era of consent
START EARLY TO ENSURE THAT RESPECT THRIVES IN A POST #METOO WORLD, WRITES DR JUSTIN COULSON
THE #metoo hashtag has become a global phenomenon. Women have acknowledged, publicly, the abuse they have suffered at the hands of men.
This feels like an important moment for women and girls around the world. It feels like a change might be coming.
But I have concerns with the #metoo movement. Why? Once again we see women as the ones who are owning their victimhood, but where are the men saying #iwaswrong? Why are there not enough men owning up to their inappropriate use of power, their unwanted sexual advances, and their readiness to behave violently towards women?
It seems women are forced, consistently, to take responsibility for their abuse.
Much of the #metoo social media phenomenon is about adults. Yet too many of the #metoo experiences occurred for young women – often in their teens, and in too many cases, even younger.
Given the rates of children harmed in Australia, I suspect if toddlers could tweet, the numbers would be heartbreakingly higher.
The Australian Bureau of Statistics identified that in 2016 the number of sexual assaults for all people reached an all-time high.
Other data shows that over the past decade, reported cases of child sex abuse have increased substantially.
So how can we prevent our own daughters from becoming #metoo statistics? And how do we help our sons choose integrity over carnal momentum and a masculine culture that elevates sexual conquest over gentle care and consideration?
We need to start talking with our children about this.
First, they need to know that his or her body belongs to him or her. And they need to know what their body parts are called. Use real names, or at the very least, “private parts”.
Teach children the underpants rule. Help them understand that no one should ever touch them anywhere covered by their underpants. There are some obvious exceptions. Parents will need to help children with washing in the bath when a child is young, but they should ask permission. They should also encourage child- ren to wash their own bodies when they are old enough.
Children should also understand that a doctor may need to touch them where their underpants cover, with a parent present. Other than that, no.
If a child asks why, tell them it is because that is their body, and touching people there without permission is called “assault”. Teach them the power of the word “No”.
They don’t need to share their body with anyone. If they don’t want to kiss or hug a relative, that’s fine. If they don’t want to hold hands or be close, that’s OK. It’s their body.
Teach your kids that if someone comes into their personal space, they are allowed to ask them to leave it. If that doesn’t work, manners don’t matter. They should kick, gouge, scratch, scream, smash a vase over their head – whatever it takes. (Obviously we need to be careful as we teach this principle … but we want them to be safe.)
Reporting abuse takes tremendous courage for our children. Often they will have been threatened. Always, the perpetrator will have more power than the child. Your child should know you will never blame him or her.
They need to know they have your support.
Even with these tips, we’ll never eradicate sexual, emotional, or other abuse. But these tips will help us and our children be safer.
ONCE AGAIN WE SEE WOMEN AS THE ONES WHO ARE OWNING THEIR VICTIMHOOD, BUT WHERE ARE THE MEN SAYING #IWASWRONG? WHY ARE THERE NOT ENOUGH MEN OWNING UP TO THEIR INAPPROPRIATE USE OF POWER, THEIR UNWANTED SEXUAL ADVANCES, AND THEIR READINESS TO BEHAVE VIOLENTLY TOWARDS WOMEN?