Don’t overdo pursuits for kids
AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES ARE ENRICHING, BUT AT WHAT PRICE, ASKS PARENTING EXPERT DR JUSTIN COULSON
THE growing demand for children’s involvement in structured outside-of-school activities is placing an incredible and unprecedented strain upon families, according to a new study.
Sport, music, art, dance and everything else that might enrich our children’s lives – not to mention extra tutoring to ensure our child wins the academic arms race – are dominating the modest amount of time middle-class Australian parents have for their kids once school is done for the day.
In the UK research I described above, 88 per cent of kids in the survey were involved in extra-curricular activities a minimum of four to five days per week.
Even more, 58 per cent of kids were doing more than one in a single afternoon.
While the study above surveyed families in the UK, things are pretty similar in Australia.
The Australian Bureau of Statistics has found 95 per cent of our five to 14-year-olds are doing something cultural outside of school hours (such as music, dance, drama) and The Longitudinal Study of Australian Children survey of 1000 Australian parents found that nearly 60 per cent of kids are participating in extra-curricular activities regularly.
Isn’t this great. I’ve previously written about all of the advantages our children receive because of this.
Our kids are active. They’re learning and developing new skills. They’re experiencing opportunities that many of us never had ourselves. And there’s so much evidence that it’s great for the brains, their social circles, their academic achievement, their self-confidence and resilience … there are so many advantages.
But … it’s not all sunshine and roses. I’ve also written about some of the downsides of overscheduling our kids.
I’ve emphasised the importance of free play and unstructured time for our kids’ development.
I’ve talked about how much sleep they’re getting and how much time they have with their friends and how both of these things suffer when our kids are involved in too much.
And I’ve talked about how to find a healthy balance.
The UK researchers’ final conclusion about the push for extra-curricular activities for our children’s enrichment (and for us to feel like we’re doing a great job raising our kids) is this: our kids’ extra-curricular activities are dominating the family life, and it’s coming at a cost. This may be especially true for families with more than one child.
Families are struggling financially to support these activities. But the even more telling statistic comes from Australian data showing that some parents are spending up to 20 per cent of their household income on organised activities for their kids.
The reason? Middle-class parents want their children to succeed and to have opportunities that they may not have had previously.
Besides, isn’t it just what good parents do?
Until the past few decades, the answer to that may have been “no”. And when extracurricular activities put significant financial strain on a family, this decision may not always be best.
Financial strain can be the basis for serious psychological
distress for parents, and studies show that this negatively affects the kids as well.
THE GREATER COST
Our children are spending more time participating in organised activities and less time at home with their family.
Lack of family time can place considerable strain on family relationships. And a strong parent-child relationship is the linchpin of resilience and wellbeing.
Studies tell us that a lack of family time can affect our children’s resilience, self-control, motivation to succeed and overall wellbeing.
On the other hand, families that are closer, and more nurturing, have kids who have stronger relationships throughout their entire lives.
Families are buckling under depleted energy reserves. There is increasing pressure for our children to do everything. Many independent schools offer a vast suite of extra-curricular opportunities that “everyone else is doing mum!” But just because we can doesn’t mean we should.
As I talk with parents around the country I’m seeing more and more families struggling to cope with the energy it takes to do all the things.
WHAT DO WE DO?
Be intentional. What is it your children really need?
Be aware of the subtle pressures from other parents, school, the way that society does things and even from your children.
Watch the impact these activities are having on their families and have the confidence to plan less activities for your children so you can have better time as a family – or so that your children can have healthy downtime.
Sleep, free time, unstructured time – these are important for the entire family.
Overscheduling strips away the benefits of those things.
Extra-curricular activities are not bad. They build, develop and enrich our children.
But there needs to be a healthy balance.
Don’t be afraid to pull back on activities.
Find a healthy balance that lets you have a good amount of family time, and that doesn’t put undue strain on you either emotionally or financially.