Firsts that frustrate
A MUM HAS COMPILED A HILARIOUS LIST OF MILESTONES YOU PROBABLY DON’T WANT TO CELEBRATE
REVELLING in your baby reaching their milestones is one of the more rewarding parts of parenthood.
From their first word to their first tooth, that special moment is one that will be etched in your memory forever.
Yet one mum decided that parents also needed to celebrate the “frustrating” baby milestones.
“The ones that maybe I’ll enjoy more if I consider cause for celebration instead of causes to curse under my breath,” she posted on Reddit.
From “the poop touch” to “the pincher”, the mum details what to expect in each special milestone to hilarious effect.
The question is, has your little one committed any of them yet?
THE POOP TOUCH
“This is the epic battle to see if one’s small hands can touch one’s poop as soon as the diaper opens before mummy can get to it with a wipe. Requires ridiculous speed and is best accompanied by attempts to roll away during the diaper change and yelps of protest when pinned down.”
THE BANSHEE
“This is when one throws one’s voice as loudly as possible in a shriek for no apparent reason. Best done when mummy isn’t looking to maximise her startle reflex.”
THE ALMOST TOOTH
“This isn’t the milestone of the first tooth. This is the endless teething before. The random days of mouth pain that don’t bear any fruit. Can last for months.
“Best accompanied by protests when fed solids, sleepless nights, and gumming mummy enough to make her shudder at the thought of actual teeth coming through.”
THE PINCHER
“This is when one discovers the power of one’s hands to inflict pain on mummy while breastfeeding.
“It’s a sharp pinch and twisting of any exposed skin. Must be accompanied by protests cries and unlatching any time mummy tries to pry her flesh free from one’s hand.”
THE QUASIMODO SHUFFLE
“This isn’t quite crawling and is somewhere past the army crawl; it’s when one moves one’s body in a very odd way with surprising speed to reach objects.
“Must reach maximum velocity while mummy is attempting to quickly pee before one reaches unsafe objects to attempt to eat.”
THE NOT-MY-MUM MELTDOWN
“This is when one begins to cry as soon as one notices the person holding one isn’t mummy. Triggered when one hears mummy’s voice, or she accidentally makes eye contact during a social gathering.”
Parents loved her relatable edition and one user suggested a few of his own: “The “OMG what did you do?!?” Achieved when a determined youngster successfully creates a mess that makes their parent scream internally. See also: the poo painting, glittermageddon, mum’s coffee tastes awesome, and bag of chocolate chips on the kitchen counter.”