Let’s all lead by example
PARENTS MUST TEACH THEIR SONS OF THE NEED TO RESPECT OTHERS, WRITES PARENTING EXPERT DR JUSTIN COULSON
I RECKON I’ve had about enough. The way that our kids treat each other. And, as a dad to six daughters, specifically the stories of everyday sexism I’m hearing – the blatant disrespect that boys are showing towards girls.
At its worst, this sexism manifests in atrocious stories of murderous husbands like the one who I won’t name – the “man” who took the lives of his wife Hannah Clarke and their children Aaliyah, 6, Laianah, 4, and Trey, 3. We have read about this hideous crime every day for the past two weeks (at the same time as
Four Corners screened a story about the chanting St Kevin’s “lads”).
And yep, I know “it’s not all boys”. I know that. But it’s too damn many.
The stories I hear on my Facebook feed, in my conversations with girls in schools, and in so many other contexts where guys feel empowered to whistle, make unsolicited sexual comments, stalk, grope and more. We still have a long way to go before we have taught our boys to be sufficiently respectful.
How do we move our boys beyond myopic selfishness?
How do we teach them to be sensitive and respectful, compassionate and kind?
In the paragraphs that follow, I make some small suggestions:
TEACHING BOYS UNDER 5
Example, example, example: If we show respect we will teach respect. This means we respect our children, we respect other adults, and we especially respect women.
It means that we do not call girls or women names. We do not ever hit or threaten to hit girls or women. It means we listen to girls and women and respect their opinions. We don’t talk over them. We are respectful.
TEACHING BOYS FROM AGE 5-12
The ideas from the previous age group are just as applicable for these boys. In addition, the following ideas are important:
Monitor media: Violent media is increasingly normal and has an undeniable desensitising impact on those who view it. Minimising exposure to games and movies or TV shows that promote disrespect and inhumanity can help – whether it may be Grand Theft
Auto or Game Of Thrones.
Pre-arm against pornography: The average age of boys’ exposure to pornography is 11. And we’re not talking the 1980s’ Playboy style pornography. We’re talking hardcore, violent, objectively degrading content that teaches boys that women exist to be violently and sexually disrespected.
Let boys know that pornography exists, that people might want to show it to them, that others might think it’s