South Australians vs Victorians
MELBOURNE PEOPLE THINK SYDNEY HAS NO CULTURE, BRISBANE IS TOO HOT, PERTH’S TOO FAR AWAY, CANBERRA’S TOO BORING, HOBART’S TOO COLD AND DARWIN’S TOO WEIRD. BUT ADELAIDE?
‘WHY would anyone want to go there?” Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews obliterated the entire state of South Australia with these seven words.
Andrews was responding to SA’s decision to open its borders to people from WA, NT and Tassie. But not Victoria or NSW.
His remark sparked a spirited debate on the S--- Towns of Australia website, with many agreeing with his sentiments.
“No COVID-19 cases in Adelaide for quite a while now. Even the virus doesn’t want to go there,” said one.
Andrews’ comment sparked a frenzy of insecurity from some prominent South Australians, who issued a rollcall of things their state is known for.
We’ve got Haigh’s, Hills hoists and Hans Heysen, they crowed.
The Malls Balls, the Christmas Pageant, pie floaters!
Fruchocs, frog cakes and Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee!
In their enthusiasm for standing up for SA, they forgot people in other states don’t even know what most of these things are. Or care.
Over in SA, the stoush was big news. The Adelaide Advertiser entered the fray with glee. It called Andrews the “scandal-ridden Premier of the Australian state with the gloomiest weather, worst virus outbreaks and most overrated coffee”.
Here in Victoria no one noticed. Victorians don’t bother standing up for Victoria.
They think anyone who has to be reminded how great their state is doesn’t matter anyway.
Melbourne people think Sydney has no culture, Brisbane is too hot, Perth’s too far away, Canberra’s too boring, Hobart’s too cold and Darwin’s too weird. But Adelaide?
Well, they don’t think about it much at all.
Victorians don’t bother trying to compete. In their eyes, their superiority can be summed up with one letter. Not even a full word. They’ve got the mighty MCG. The ‘G.
People from “Radelaide” like to talk up their town: We’ve got fewer serial killers now than there used to be, they’ll say.
People from Melbourne respond: We’ve got the ‘G.
Adelaide: Most of our churches have been turned into nightclubs. Melbourne: ‘G.
Adelaide: We’ve got Maslins – Australia’s first legal nude beach. Melbourne: ‘G.
Adelaide (getting desperate): We’re the fifth most populous Australian city.
Melbourne: (nothing – they’ve lost interest in the conversation).
Andrews’ SA snub isn’t the first issued by a Victorian Premier. In 2008, John Brumby called SA a “backwater”. It caused a scandal — only in SA, of course.
Funnily enough, an online poll run by the Adelaide Advertiser at the time found most people agreed with him, with some saying that’s why they liked living there.
I feel free to pay out SA as much as I like given that I lived there from the age of nine to 24 and I still write for the local paper even though I’ve been in Victoria for years.
I grew up wanting to “Kick a Vic”. Now I am one.
Nearly 20 years on, I am still teased by Victorians for my funny accent, my habit of asking everyone where they went to school and the way I say “miwk” instead of “milk”. I also refer to a nature strip as a “verge” and call power poles “Stobie poles”.
Perhaps this is why I still feel like an outsider in Victoria. I often complain about the cold, the traffic, hook turns and the fact the Vics stole “our” Grand Prix. I hated the race, and never went to it, but I liked the fact that SA had it. Now I live in Victoria and still wish SA had it.
People from overseas are often shocked by the vigour of Australian state rivalries. Aussies love to argue about whether we should say cossie, swimmers, bathers or togs.
Canteen, tuckshop or caf? Milk bar, corner store or deli? Sandshoes, runners or sneakers? Schooner, middy or pint?
In Adelaide they’re still dining off the fact the state was populated by free settlers, it has lots of churches and people make the word “dance” rhyme with “aunts” rather than “pants”.
They think they’re “bulk good” because they’ve now got 24-hour shopping and not as many brownouts (blackouts designed to take pressure of the power grid) as a few years ago.