Everybody has a right to feel safe

FOR many, the holiday season brings a sense of joy and celebration.

It’s a time for reflection and festivity, a time to get together with family and friends – some of whom we may be seeing for the first time in almost two years.

But for others, this is a time of fear. December and January have long been the busiest time of year for specialist family violence support services.

This is reflected in data on calls to services and police, which dramatically increased during the 2020-21 holiday season.

By the time all the presents have been opened, the food eaten, and the crackers popped this Christmas, there will have been about twice as many family violence assaults compared to other days in the year.

These increases come on top of already alarming rates of family violence seen during the Covid-19 pandemic. These numbers are staggering. Yet they don’t even paint the whole picture, as we know most people experiencing abuse will never contact the police.

Many, however, will tell a friend, family member, or colleague. So what can we, as a community, do to help?

We all have a part to play in preventing and responding to family violence by looking out for friends, family and neighbours, and knowing what action to take if we are concerned someone may be experiencing abuse.

How do I know if it’s family violence?

Family violence is a pattern of threatening, controlling or violent behaviour that makes someone feel scared or unsafe. While it impacts people of all genders, identities, age groups, sexual orientations, cultural backgrounds and walks of life, most family violence is perpetrated by men, against women and children.

It’s also important to remember that family violence doesn’t always involve physical abuse. It can also include behaviours like threats, financial control, and emotional abuse. It is often cyclical – there may be periods of time without violence, and times where the violence is heightened.

No matter what form it takes, family violence is never acceptable.

Common signs to look out for

Someone who is experiencing family violence may not openly disclose that they are being abused, but there are often signs that indicate something is not right.

They may withdraw from loved ones or seem depressed. Their partner, ex-partner or family member may undermine their credibility, criticise or humiliate them publicly. They may seem afraid or nervous when this person is around, or may have cuts, bruises and other injuries with unlikely explanations.

Perhaps they have mentioned their partner or family member’s temper or jealousy to you. Maybe you have seen their partner constantly calling, texting or monitoring their movements.

For children or young people who may be experiencing family violence, the signs can be harder to recognise. Sudden behaviour changes like difficulty concentrating, not wanting to go home, “acting out” or becoming angry and aggressive at friends and family can mean there is something going on.

What can I do?

If anyone is in immediate danger, always call the police on triple-0. If there is no immediate risk, the best thing you can do is find an opportunity to speak with the person you’re concerned about alone, and approach them with sensitivity and empathy.

If someone discloses violence or abuse to you, it’s important you listen without judgment or criticism – the violence is never their fault. Saying “just leave” is not helpful – there are many reasons why someone may be unable or unwilling to leave an abusive partner.

Help build confidence by acknowledging their bravery in sharing.

Tell them that you believe them, and you want to help.

Help them make a safety plan – this could include being their emergency contact or agreeing on a code word or signal they can use if they need help

For help, call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or if you or someone you know may be at risk contact the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491.