Not fit for two kings
ROYALTY ON SCREEN AND THE CRICKET FIELD BOTH MISS THE MARK
THE KING’S MAN (MA15+)
Director: Matthew Vaughn (Kingsman: The Secret Service) Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Harris Dickinson, Gemma Arterton, Rhys Ifans ★★☆☆☆
A right royal mess
The world was never, ever waiting for a prequel to the Kingsman movies.
In case you have forgotten – and don’t feel guilty if you do – the original Kingsman concept centred on a secret society of British spies whose HQ is hidden behind the Savile Row storefront of a top-notch tailor.
The pulpy, action-magnetising premise was good for two movies in the middle bits of last decade, both of which grossed just north of half a billion bucks worldwide.
All these two solidly enjoyable, yet highly disposable movies left in their wake was stardom for Rocketman leading man Taron Egerton, and the lingering memory of Colin Firth wasting a room full of assailants with some kung fu and an umbrella.
Neither Egerton nor Firth are anywhere to be seen in The King’s Man, which rewinds the narrative by several decades to tell a fairly messy (and not so compelling) origin story.
In their place you get Ralph Fiennes as the Duke of Oxford, a dashing nobleman doing the British government’s bidding at the start of the last century.
Harris Dickinson plays Conrad, the Duke’s equally dashing son who wants nothing more than to follow in the old man’s posh, politically meddling footsteps.
As The King’s Man properly begins, the Boer War is coming to an end, and the Duke has just lost his missus to a bullet on the battlefield.
Why his missus has wandered into a war zone is not really explained. All that matters is that Conrad saw it happen, and the Duke renounced all violence to become a peacemaking pacifist.
We then skip forward a decade, and the planet is warming up for a multi-continent conflict that will become known as World War I. The Duke can sense what is coming, and immediately puts two tasks up the top of his to-do list.
First of all, he must take all measures to stop World War I at any cost. Secondly, The Duke must ensure that should the war begin, then his boy Conrad must never see active combat.
While that all sounds straightforward enough, the movie turns out to wander all over the place, never staying still and never heading in the one direction for long.
One minute, The King’s Man will be zigging left and tearing up every page of the history book it can.
Did you know that America’s reluctance to enter WWI was because the US President was being blackmailed for receiving a lap dance in the White House? Neither did I.
The next minute, The King’s Man will be zagging right, and rather sombrely exploring the father-son conflict between the pacifist Duke and his patriotic son.
No matter which way it impulsively chooses to move, The King’s Man never holds our attention for long. And speaking of long, it takes well over 100 minutes to get anywhere near the reason we are supposed to be here: the formation of the Kingsman agency.
The King’s Man is now showing on general release.
RED ROCKET (MA15+) ★★★1/2☆
Selected cinemas
File this uniquely arresting and utterly authentic comedy-drama under “should not work at all, but works in every way”.
The centrepiece of a raw, rough’n’ready affair is the totally astonishing lead performance of Red Rocket’s unheralded star, Simon Rex. This ex-rapper-turned-actor throws himself into his character as if his life depends on it. Which is more than apt, as that character spends the entirety of the movie shifting from one state of desperation to another. Rex plays Mikey, a former adult film star who has had to leave the glitz and glamour of LA and return to his very small and very poor home town in Florida. Mikey has already spent his last buck, and it looks as if it is going to take a while before he makes another decent dollar.
While this irrepressible chatterbox – honestly, you have not heard a character talk so quickly, directly and disarmingly in a movie for a long time – looks for his ticket out of oblivion, the notoriety of his past life keeps both hindering and helping his quest in wildly unforeseen ways. It must be stated that this remarkable indie gem (from the makers of 2017’s similarly unique The Florida Project) runs a touch too long. However, Rex’s dynamic display and the arresting atmosphere pouring off the screen amount to an experience completely different to everything else currently in release. Cinematic thrillseekers need to see this ASAP.
SHANE (M) ★★☆☆☆
General release
As a big cricket fan who remains in awe of Shane Warne’s legendary legspinning exploits, I can only say that this authorised documentary disappoints in just about every department.
The problem here is that the filmmakers have fashioned a product that embodies everything Warne was not on a cricket field. The movie plays it safe, is way too predictable, and settles for a polite draw when it should be out to win at all costs.
The doco does come alive when it simply lets Warne talk about his passion for cricket, which we learn was nowhere near his first love as a sport. Warne’s enthusiasm and genuine wisdom when it comes to the game itself are never less than endearing.
However, many of the talking heads who gather to sing his praises are either peers who are too scripted with their compliments, or celebrities who barely seem to know the guy.
Worst of all, the doco repeatedly sells Warne’s sublime skills short with its noticeable lack of footage of the man at the height of his powers. All too often, amazing bowling feats will be discussed at length, without video to show us what happened.
There is definitely a great doco to be made about Shane Warne, but this most definitely is not it.