Moving out of the monarchist home

TOO soon to talk about the republic? Not a bit. The Queen has gone, rest her soul, long live the King. But long may he live as King of England, not Australia. Former prime minister Paul Keating has raised the horrifying prospect of Australia being booted out of the Commonwealth by

King Charles III.

That would be the ultimate humiliation, to exit the empire without being brave enough to do it ourselves.

Australia would be like the big kid who refused to leave home until his parents got sick of him. “Isn’t it time you moved out, son?” Britain would sit back like a happy empty-nester, glad to be rid of that sooky child who never grew up – “Good God, I thought he’d never leave.”

Mr Keating mentioned the French and American revolutions, where two of the world’s great nations took up arms to fight for liberty and selfdetermination.

Even England had a brief go at it when Ollie Cromwell lopped the head off the first King Charlie.

Of course, that’s a bloody messy way to go about it, and who would want a revolution like France’s, where guillotining became the national sport?

And no-one wants a republic like America’s, with its convoluted ballot system and its declaration that all men are equal, except slaves, and its amendment enshrining the rights of any lunatic to carry a semiautomatic.

But we were offered freedom on a plate.

No need for a war, just pick up a tiny red pencil and tick a box. Not a shot fired. No severed heads in baskets. Not a drop of blood spilt.

We chickened out. We took a powder. We pussyfooted back to mummy and daddy’s place, back to the comfortable old room we grew up in, shut the door and went to bed.

We’re all grown up now. It’s time we moved out, got a place of our own, bought some furniture. Got a proper job.

In this new millennium, as Australia tries desperately to shake off colonialism, to belatedly recognise the country’s first inhabitants, to embrace the immigrants who have added so much to our culture, isn’t it time we stopped behaving like baby Brits?

It doesn’t mean we can’t still see the folks.

We can visit, say g’day, take pictures of the guards in funny hats. New Idea can still fill 20 pages with Harry and Meg.

And if we lose our public holiday for the King’s Birthday, we can replace it with a new one – Independence Day.

Has a nice ring to it, that.