Mum’s first day jitters
For Annaliese the thought of sending her son to big school was hard and it brought back a lot of memories
I JUST dropped off my first born’s school enrolment forms and I am overwhelmed by grief, fear and heart break.
“Is this your first?” the lady sympathetically asked me. “Yes” I proudly gulped trying to fight back the tears.
“It’s okay Mum, you will be okay” my little Prince so protectively replied.
The look on my big boy’s beaming little face as we dropped off the forms (just the forms and I’m already losing it) he was so excited, full of wonder and trying not to look too overwhelmed around the big school kids it murdered my heart.
He seems really ready now. I’m relieved I waited another year, he could have started this year but not even a year ago his shyness was still at its peak and he refused to walk 200 metres and I heaved the double pram around everywhere. Yes definitely the right call to wait… but now he is asking about when he will be able to go to the park on his own (never) so he can get a mobile phone (more likely a GPS tracker chip inserted).
I don’t feel ready to cut the cord, I would have him back in my uterus if I could. Scrap that, I hate being pregnant.
For the past five years the most I’ve been away from him was four days a week and even that was too much for me and I scaled it back to two. The Croatian half of my DNA is intrinsically very old school European in that I don’t ever want my kids to leave me, like never. In Croatia traditionally the parents when they are elderly often have a little separate but joined wing attached to the adult child’s house so they can help with the grand kids and eventually be taken care of – my idea of heaven.
I don’t feel ready for the next phase. I’m selfishly worried about when his mates become more important than us.
Also I’m not sure I can be bothered with the onslaught of primary school ‘tude that I’ve seen other people’s kids adopt. School social functions (eye roll)… Saturdays being spent on the side of a sports field (also not really my preferred scene).
Oh and the thought of making lunches everyday. I never even pack enough snacks for the park and am always forking out for $500 muffins at overpriced cafes.
What about when he realises his little brother is ‘boring’ and instead of wanting to play make believe dragons and horses and sing along to Frozen with us he just wants to play Minecraft and (I’m not going to pretend I know what kind of music primary school aged boys like right now).
There is something special about your first born (no offence other kids). Although truth be told my youngest is my ‘mummy’s boy’ and my eldest favour’s his Dad, but there is something profound about the first. They give us all of our “first” experiences as parents; they are the ones we make most of our mistakes on.
There is something special about experiencing something for the first time and right now feels scary but special.
Ah well, for the foreseeable future I will enjoy what is left of singing Frozen, make believe and his family being the most important thing in his beautiful and innocent little universe… That and researching GPS tracking devices in Australia love from the creepiest Mum who ever was.
I should really take the shine off my grief and spare a thought for my two year old. He keeps telling anyone who will listen he is going to ‘big school’ with his big brother too next year and where are his forms? He was trying to convince the ladies at the school office “he was four, nearly five” to try and trick them into letting him go too. The thought of them separated five days a week for two years kills me. They are so close I don’t think my younger one even knows any of the other kid’s names at daycare. They are inseparable, best mates, and he will be lost without his big brother by his side.
For more, visit www.kidspot.com.au.
THERE IS SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT YOUR FIRST BORN (NO OFFENCE OTHER KIDS)