It’s funny having a dunny near your honey

THERE are things in this world I don’t understand.

Men who still have eyebrow rings, for instance, or couples who insist on going to Indian restaurants for romantic dates and then proceed to sleep in the same house together.

That last point is the one that perplexes me most of all. Imagine, if you will, that couple – the same one at the Indian restaurant – finishing dinner and making their way back to their beautiful home at the end of the night.

They move into the bedroom to finish the romance. But things come to a halt. One of them politely excuses themselves.

The man clambers off the bed and walks to the bathroom. He bounds off the bed, takes one step and reaches the toilet. Oh yeah, there are no bathroom walls in this million-dollar mansion. Walls around the toilet are out – along with dignity, romance and ever having sex again.

The trend is meant to look luxe. And in the photos it does seem rather opulent. But in reality, I think we can all agree a non-enclosed bedroom toilet is not luxe or sexy. It’s humiliating and disgusting and really only appropriate if you have some kind of prison cell fantasy.

In April, a four-bedroom Melbourne home sold for $1 million. And now it’s being trolled on Reddit because one of the rooms has a toilet just metres from the bed.

Granted, a thin panelled venetian folding door was installed in a sad and frantic attempt by the previous owner to gain some privacy but the efforts would have been futile.

It seems this trend is only happening in otherwise beautiful homes – houses where the developer and the buyer splash out for marble bench tops and pools.

It’s the design equivalent of rich people buying $600 jeans with a bunch of holes in them.

Fun fact: Philip Tierno, a microbiologist at New York University, warns that toilet germs can fly as high as 4m if the lid is not slammed firmly shut. Think about that while you rub your face into your pillow tonight.