HAVE A LAUGH

Retirement centre

TWO elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, “John, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age, how do you feel?”

John replies, “I feel just like a newborn baby.”

“Really! Like a newborn baby, you say?”

“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I even drool on myself.”

A kid with a dream

FOR Martin Luther King Day, I asked my fifth graders how they’d make the world a better place.

One said, “I’d make potato skins a main dish rather than an appetiser.”

Real criminal

A DEPUTY arrested a young man.

The young man was verbally complaining to the officer about the injustice of him being arrested.

He proclaimed his innocence over and over.

The verbal barrage went on for about 15 minutes as the deputy drove the young man to jail. Finally the young man asked the officer in a loud voice, “So tell me then, what do you do when you catch a real criminal?”

The deputy shook his head sadly and responded, “I don’t know. All I’ve ever caught are innocent people.”

Funny shirt

SEEN on the back of a biker’s vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off.