Page fillers with occasional pearls of almost wisdom

I HAVE written a column every Wednesday since April 2, 2008. I think I have not missed a week during that time. Thank you for reading at least some of them!

It all began when Steve Etwell innocently suggested to me that I might like to write something now and then. There were only two conditions; I must not slander anyone and each column should be 625 words long … no more, no less. Over nine years later I am still churning out a mixture of truth, half truth and dubious facts.

I never deliberately lie but I have probably fidgeted on the edges of the truth on a number of occasions ... I really enjoy the challenge of thinking of something different each week. I admit to being ridiculously pleased when (just occasionally) somebody tells me they enjoyed what I wrote.

Sometimes I just get an idea. Sometimes I ask my wife to suggest a topic. She often comes up with a single word. I grab this, and write about something completely different. I’m sure proper columnists don’t have to rely upon a word from their wives, but I personally find it helps to get the ideas flowing.

The final result rarely has anything to do with the word that got me started ... but I’m usually very grateful to her for not telling me what was in her mind.

A great advantage when thinking about subject matter is that I know very little about most things, just like when I was lecturing at the uni. What I am quite good at is “finding out about things” when I have to! I basically like being told by someone that I must write about this or that or, even, give a lecture about something I know very little about.

I am good at ferreting out the facts or, at least, sufficient of them to convince most of the readers or audience that I know what I am talking about. It doesn’t always work out that way but it is lovely when it does. When it doesn’t, I enjoy imagining how much more I know about the subject but have decided to keep to myself. What a conceited pig……..

My first column all those ago, began with the sentences “This is terrifying. The Grumpy Old Man’s answer to Joan Dunlop and that bloke who keeps on complaining about too much religious knowledge in the schools…….”

I know Joan was a prolific letter-writer and Toowoomba icon. I have long forgotten who the anti-religious bloke might have been. Fame is fleeting, probably a blessing that most facts, personalities and opinions do not stand the test if time.

The contents of most columns are best taken with a pinch of salt…“page fillers” with (I like to kid myself ) occasional pearls of almost wisdom….

Here’s a pearl of wisdom; Australia currently has a crap cricket team. With the exception of David Warner and possibly Steve Smith himself, I wouldn’t give you a bag of beans for any of them.

I’m a long-time converted ex-Pommy supporter of the Australian team and very disappointed by what seems to be the state of the national side.

Where have all the characters gone? Where are the seam bowlers that can scare the living daylights out of you just watching them from the stand? Where are the spinners who can turn a ball at right angles if necessary? Where are the cover fielders who can thump the ball into the stumps whenever the batter strays three inches out of his crease?

Why, despite a long-standing passion for cricket, don’t I really give a two-penny cuss about who they have selected? Let us hope that things improve very quickly so we can knock the crap out of the Poms this summer…….