CONTEMPT ON TAP

DRINKING FROM THE SOURCE? IT’S FROWNED UPON BY TODAY’S BRAINWASHED BOTTLED WATER BRIGADE

Folks, I recently mentioned to someone that I frequently quench my thirst from a garden hose and, judging from their reaction, I think what I actually said was, “I regularly scoop toilet water into my mouth.”

Actually, let the record show that I have often slurped from vanity taps in toilets, but only after carefully washing my hands.

Still, it seems that admitting you drink water from a public tap these days gives you about the same social prestige as someone picking their nose on a crowded bus.

As a young fella, I never carried a water bottle or, come to think of it, food, money, a watch or a phone. Whenever I got thirsty I’d simply head for the nearest tap, either in a park, shop or someone’s yard. I often drank from freshwater creeks – after thoroughly checking that I was upstream of any sewerage treatment plants or cows.

I’ve regularly swigged from galvanised iron rainwater tanks (one of which turned out to be full of moss, tadpoles, green frogs and the skeleton of a long dead pigeon), and it hasn’t done me any harm.

Nowadays, I’ll still slake my thirst from any spout attached to a copper pipe, connected to a government-regulated water treatment plant, but even I’m not crazy enough to drink water from a creek within coo-ee of a town.

Sadly, ad companies have drip-fed the Australian public into believing that Bottled is Better by implying that tap water is about as safe to drink as a Fukushima Shandy. Which is why the Bottled Water Brigade would prefer to stagger around parched and gasping rather than drink from a communal water fountain.

Sure, tap water has chemicals in it, but this ensures that nasty little bugs like cholera, typhoid and dysentery don’t regularly ruin our weekends.

Anyway, at least our tap water isn’t recycled like it is in some countries. Ugh! Just imagine drinking water that’s been through a toilet.