HAVE A LAUGH

Fall out!

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! All you idiots, fall out.”

As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.

The soldier smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh, sir?”

Try marriage

Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends and relatives’ birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on.

I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job, but had no luck at the first few. I finally found one where the clerk seemed experienced.

“Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?” I asked.

“Have you tried a wife?” he replied.

Didn’t mean it

Johnny’s mother ran into the bedroom when she heard him scream and found his two-year-old sister pulling his hair.

She gently released the little girl’s grip and said comfortingly to Johnny, who’s just five years old, “There, there. She didn’t mean it. She doesn’t know that it hurts.”

Mum was barely out of the room when the little girl screamed. Rushing back in she said, “What happened?” “She knows now,” little Johnny explained.

The dentist

I came in to make an appointment with the dentist.” said the man to the receptionist. “I’m sorry sir.” she replied. “He’s out right now, but...”

“Thank you,” interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. “When will he be out again?”.