HAVE A LAUGH

Married life

An important and very well publicised murder trial was soon to begin.

In preparation for the trial, the tiresome jury selection process took place, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors.

One prospective juror was called for his question session. He was asked, “Property holder?”

He replied, “Yes, I am, Your Honour.”

Then he was asked, “Married or single?”

The man responded, “Married for twenty years, Your Honour.”

Then the judge asked, “Formed or expressed an opinion?” The man stated with certainty, “Not in twenty years, Your Honour.”

Unconditional love

A man was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring his reflection, when he posed the following question to his wife of 20 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?”

She answered, “Of course I will. I’ve already been doing it for the past five years haven’t I?”

Flower therapy

“That’s a nice plant,” said a woman at the florist’s shop, pointing to the flower I was buying.

“Yeah, my wife and I had an argument,” I admitted. “I was going to buy her a dozen roses, but I don’t think she’s THAT mad at me.”

Interview

A quote from an interview with the Operations Manager of a growing company.

The journalist asks, “So how many employees are working in your company?”

The manager replies, “Approximately half of them...”

Two rules

A boss was telling an applicant the two main rules of the company.

He said, “Our second main rule is cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat before coming in?”

The applicant replied, “Yes, sir, I did.”

Then the boss said, “Our first main rule is trustworthiness. You see, there was no mat.”

Silent actor

Young Actor: “Dad, guess what? I’ve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who’s been married for 30 years.”

Father: “Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you’ll get a speaking part.”