Finding a mum-friend
How to hit it off in the playground
THE other day, I found myself in the playground chatting with a friend as we rhythmically pushed our toddlers on neighbouring swings.
My friend – who had been at the same playground that very morning – relayed to me how she had started chatting with another mum and they had hit it off. Their kids were the same age. There was instant banter compatibility. Plus, their mum uniforms reflected shared sartorial preferences.
“I totally should have asked for her phone number,” my friend exclaimed.
“Why didn’t you?” I asked. But I knew the answer because I’d been there before. And I had failed to stump up the guts and ask for the phone number, too.
It’s no secret that, cast adrift from school or university, making new friends as an adult can be hard. And that’s before most of your time and attention is commanded by a little person.
Some people get lucky
When it comes to early parenthood, some people get lucky and find their close friends are on the same procreation schedule. Others strike the parents’ group jackpot, finding they share more in common than simply a council area and a baby of roughly the same age. Many aren’t so lucky.
And then that feeling of isolation that often attends new parenthood, coupled with the monotonous repetition of life with baby and toddler folk, can bite.
New hope dawns when you’re at the playground or bouncing your baby at the local library story time. You get to chatting with another mum. The urge to ask for her phone number rises up. And then the moment passes. Again.
But what if it didn’t? If we all agree finding your parentfriend tribe is important and most of us are on the lookout, why aren’t we more open to asking for, and giving out, phone numbers?
For most of us, this situation comes with a distinct whiff of the romantic dating scene.
It shouldn’t be this hard to make a new friend. And it doesn’t need to be, especially if we all accept that making friends requires openness and a little grace on both sides of the transaction.
But it also requires effort.
Be there
And by that, I mean be present. Yes, sometimes it takes a superhuman effort to make it out the door with children fed, watered and sunscreened, and all you want to do is zone out as you push, “higher, Mummy!”
But making new friends means you have to venture beyond your internal world and make eye contact with those on the outside. Then, let loose that classic opening line: “so, how old is your kiddo?”
Be a friend-flirt
You’ve initiated contact, so now put your best friend-self forward. Studies suggest upping the level of intimacy gradually over a 45-minute period is a recipe for success, but let’s not go crazy. There is no way to segue seamlessly from age-related niceties to discussing cracked nipples, so keep it light, bright and fun. You’re in the wooing stage after all.
Make the call
Or more likely text or add them as a friend on Facebook. And then get in touch like you said you would.
Many a blossoming mumfriend relationship hits a dead end if one or both parties fail to follow up. You don’t necessarily have to go all out and immediately suggest plans for a future catch up, but do reach out. And, to be clear, there is no threeday rule.
Be receptive
Don’t forget: making new friends requires at least two (or more) people. So, if someone reaches out to you, give them a chance. It could be the start of a beautiful friendship.
For more, visit www.kidspot.com.au.