HAVE A LAUGH

TUNNEL MISSION

AN AUSSIE, Englishman and a beautiful brunette sitting in a train carriage, taking in the scenery as the historic steam train made its way up the mountains. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and, being an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages.

While in complete darkness, there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.

When the train came out of the tunnel, the brunette and the Aussie were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face which now bore a bright red mark where he had been slapped.

The Englishman thought to himself, “The Aussie must have kissed that gorgeous brunette and she missed him and slapped me instead.”

The brunette thought, “The English bloke must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Aussie and got slapped.”

And the Aussie grinned to himself and thought, “This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I’ll make another kissing noise and slap that English fool again.”

HONEST JUDGE

I WAS on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer came across as an intimidating showman.

After several questions, he asked, “Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?”

There was an awkward silence then you heard, “I do.”

The lawyer looks around the courtroom, and then turns to the judge. “Your Honour, I wasn’t asking you, I was asking the jurors.”

DULL READ

A BLONDE stormed up to the front desk of the local library and said, “I borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I’ve ever read. There was no story, no plot whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!”

“Oh”, replied the librarian, “You must be the one who took our phone book.”.