HAVE A LAUGH

PARAPROSDOKIANS

■ IF I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.

■ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

■ Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

■ I’m great at multi-tasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

■ If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

■ My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.

■ Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.

■ Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

■ Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

■ Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

■ He who laughs last thinks slowest.

■ Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

■ I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

■ Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

■ I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.

■ If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

■ If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

CALL TO TESTIFY

SEVERAL women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they all lived.

The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence. I'll hear the oldest first."

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.