HAVE A LAUGH

SLEEP DEPRIVED

“THIS hotel is dreadful!” a guest complained when he showed up at the front desk to check out.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. “I got no sleep. Every 15 minutes this loud banging sound woke me up!”

I apologised for the noise and checked him out.

A few minutes later, a couple showed up.

Again, I made the mistake of asking how their stay was. “Terrible!” they said. “The guy in the next room was snoring so loudly that we had to bang on the wall every 15 minutes to wake him up!”

DUCK HEAVEN

Once upon a time there was three sisters who went to duck heaven.

St. Patrick welcomed them and said, “We are happy to have you here in Duck Heaven, but I warn you if you step on a duck in Duck Heaven you will be chained to the ugliest man on Earth!”

So, the three girls were really careful where they stepped.

After a week the first girl stepped on a duck... so, she was chained to the ugliest man on Earth!

After a month the second sister stepped on a duck... so, she was chained to the second ugliest man on the Earth!

After a year in Duck Heaven the third sister never ever stepped on a duck so St Patrick said, “You have been very good here in Duck Heaven so we have a treat for you!”

So, she was chained to the most handsome and perfect man on the Earth!

“What did I do to deserve you?” she asked the man.

“Well I don’t know about you lady,” replied the man. “But I stepped on a duck!!!”

SOMETHING FISHY

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy,” he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, “It seems calm enough to me”.

Paddy says, “Yeah, I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet!”