HAVE A LAUGH

LOCO-MOTIVE

THIS fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a friend.

He’d never seen a train or the tracks they run on.

While standing in the middle of the rail road tracks one day, he hears the whistle, “Whooee Whoee!” but doesn’t know what it is.

Predictably, he’s hit but only a glancing blow, and is thrown, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he’s at his friend’s house attending a party one evening.

While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling.

He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognisable lump of metal.

His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what’s happened, and asks the man from the desert, “Why did you ruin my good tea kettle?”

The desert man replies, “Man, you gotta kill these things when they’re small!”

THE GOOD LIFE

I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.

“Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed,” he said.

“I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.

“I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.”

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, “What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?”

“Oh no, nothing like that,” he said. “No, no .... I was granted parole.”