HAVE A LAUGH

DOUBLE DUTCH

A SWISS man, on holiday in Dublin, needed directions.

He was standing outside Davy Byrne’s pub when he saw two youths walking by so he stops them and asks, “Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?”

The two lads look at each other blankly and stare back at him.

“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Français?” he tries.

The two continue to stare. “Parlare Italiano?”

Still absolutely no response from the two lads. “Hablan ustedes Espanol?” The Dublin lads remain totally silent.

The Swiss guy walks off extremely disappointed and downhearted that he had not been understood.

One of the boys turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!”

“Why?” says the youth, “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good!”

THE RIGHT RELIGION

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.

One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, me dog is dead. Could ya’ be sayin’ a mass for the poor creature?”

Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.”

“But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe.

“Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.”

Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father.”

“Do ya’ think 5000 euro is enough to donate to them for the service?”

Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary and Joseph. Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?”