HAVE A LAUGH

LION FOOD

A BLOKE starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.

As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him.

In response, he beats it to death with a spade.

Realising his employer won’t be pleased, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

At the second job of clearing out the chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts.

He swipes at two chimps with a spade, killing them both. What can he do?

Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything.

So, he hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the bees.

As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees.

He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.

By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lion’s cage.

Later that day, a new lion arrives at the zoo.

He wanders up to the other lions and says, “What’s the food like here?”

The lions say, “Absolutely brilliant! Today we had fish and chimps with mushy bees.”

GOOD TIMING

Every Monday morning for many years about 11.30am, the telephone operator in a small Darling Downs town received a call from a man asking the exact time.

One day the operator summoned up the nerve to ask him why the regularity.

“I’m foreman of the local sawmill,” he explained.

“Every day, I have to blow the whistle at noon, so I call you to get the exact time.”

The operator giggled. “That’s really funny,” she said.

“All this time, we’ve been setting our clock by your whistle.”