Fishy story of the gardener
Mower man ‘king hit’ by wayward tool
TWO Toowoomba mates have been left feeling off-colour for different reasons but as a result of the same incident.
Mate No. 1 is hired by Mate No. 2 to mow his lawn from time to time (not that there has been much need of that in Toowoomba of late being in drought).
However, while No. 2 was on a weekend away last weekend, No. 1 took the opportunity to run the weed-eater and mower over his mate’s lawn.
Our man was applying the weed-eater when suddenly: “I felt a belt to the mouth that Mike Tyson would have been proud to have landed”, the “gardener” reported to No. 2 in a text message.
Having been felled by the blow, No. 1 picked himself up to investigate what had struck him to find he’d inadvertently swung the weed-eater too high and had struck the clothes line, causing the weed-eater to spring back and strike him in the jaw.
“With blood flowing from the inside of my mouth, I decided to go inside and find an ice pack (from the freezer),” No. 1 told No. 2 upon his return home.
“Well no ice pack but a pack of frozen crumbed something did the job.”
And that is what left No. 2 feeling off-colour.
The “frozen crumbed something” was a couple of crumbed barramundi fillets that No. 1 had looked forward to cooking on his return from the weekend away, until of course he’d discovered that his mate had rubbed them against his bleeding gob.
By all accounts, No. 1 finished the rest of the gardening chores and returned home to apply some first aid — in his case a prescription of cold ale from his bar fridge.
As for the barramundi fillets, Whispers can report that No. 2’s neighbour’s cat got to enjoy some quality, cooked fish fillets for its dinner that evening.
BUB UNDETERRED
WE KEEP hearing how mums these days can have it all, but one cocky Toowoomba mum found out the hard way that trying to be a super mum isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
After having a baby about a year ago, our doting mum decided the coffers were a bit bare and had to return to work.
She negotiated a part-time return including one day a week working from home.
Having the perfect baby (well, most of the time), she was confident she could juggle both babe and workload without dropping a ball.
As starting time approached on day one of working from home, she fed her little bundle and decided five minutes of nappy free time was in order to help keep the dreaded nappy rash at bay.
If you have kids, you probably already know where this is going.
As bub played happily at her feet, our super mum got cracking on the work side of things.
Five minutes soon turned to 20, which really wasn’t a problem as the baby was happily engrossed in play.
The familiar heart-stopping moment most parents would be familiar with arrived with startling clarity as she put two and two together with the engrossed behaviour and the lack of nappy.
She flung herself out of the chair and inevitably discovered her sweet little child had two fistfuls of her own bodily waste, which luckily hadn’t quite made it as far as her mouth.
Her perfect composure slipped somewhat as she flung the poor kid onto the shower floor and turned the tap on while screeching at the dog to stay away from the poo.
The joys of parenting!
ATLAS REQUIRED?
NEWPAPERS receive a plethora of press releases daily and quite a few, quite rightly, end up in the bin. Take this effort from a southern publication.
“Braddon in your area has just been named on a list of 141 high-performing suburbs by national property publication Your Investment Property. Please let me know if you would like any further information or to speak with editor.”
The recipient journalist politely sent a return email informing that Braddon was in fact in the ACT and nowhere near Toowoomba.