REALITY HITS HOME

WHY RENOVATING TOGETHER CAN SPELL THE END FOR COUPLES

You might think cheating on your partner would be the number one relationship killer.

But according to experts, there’s something else that drives an even bigger wedge between you and your loved one.

Research by eharmony showed that one in four Aussies cited the reason for their break-up being the decision to undertake home improvements together.

The study showed that the actual process of renovating a house – whether it’s you picking up a hammer yourself, or builders invading your house for months at a time – was the most challenging experience one in 10 Australian couples have ever faced in a relationship.

The impact of such disruption surpasses dramatic events such as dealing with a cheating spouse or a death in the family.

“We already know that some of the most stressful things in life include changing jobs or, crucially, moving house. So, it’s hardly surprising that renovation projects, which often involve huge amounts of financial pressure and physical disruption, can really test a relationship,” eharmony psychologist

Sharon Draper says.

“Your home is your haven, it’s your safe place to land and when it becomes disruptive it can really test a relationship.

“Humans don’t like change, and even though you’ve chosen to renovate, disruptions cause us to feel unstable and we end up taking it out each other.”

So why does Ms Draper think renovations split up couples more so than cheating?

“When couples cheat, it’s one party that feels disrupted, not both parties. And people don’t realise the layers that go into renovations and how much it affects your day to day life.

“You’re often sleeping in a different set-up and when your sleep is affected, things can go haywire. Not working together as a team, not trusting that your partner has your back can really bring cracks to the surface.

“Even if it’s a slight change, lack of communication and trust can really make a partner feel isolated in the process.

“And because it’s a self-imposed decision, friends and family find it hard to understand what you both are going through and won’t be as supportive as they should be, so again you feel alone and out of control,” she advises.

If you’re planning to renovate, eharmony’s Rachael Lloyd says the more compatible you are, the less likely you are to have conflicts.

“Our data shows that couples who share high compatibility tend to have stronger relationships in the long run, as they share values and have better conflict resolution skills,” she says.

“From renovating the house to navigating the advice of family and friends, the more you have in common with your partner, the better your chances of getting the most out of shared experiences.”

Better check you and your partner are compatible in the long run before the whole house falls down.