HAVE A LAUGH

SERIOUS SERMON

A MINISTER was completing a temperance sermon.

With great emphasis, he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

With even greater emphasis, he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.” Sermon complete, he sat down.

The praise leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, “Shall We Gather at the River.”

HARD OF HEARING

“Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to?”

“Yes, Mum.”

“Your handwriting seems very large, why is that?”

“Well, Grandma can’t hear well, so I’m writing very loudly.”

BED TIME

The tot had just been put to bed for the umpteenth time and his mother’s patience was wearing thin.

“I don’t want to hear you call ‘Mother’ one more time!” she warned him sternly.

After a few minutes of quiet, a small voice came from upstairs, “Mrs Jones? Can I have a drink of water?”

LITERAL SHOPPER

My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.

Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.