NEGOTIATION IS THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS RESOLUTION

Following separation, it can be hard enough to come to terms with what has happened, let alone what the next steps are.

If things are amicable and you are on speaking terms there are some things you can do yourself to navigate your way through the separation and to the other side.

The first step we always advocate for is to negotiate directly with your former partner where it is appropriate. This simply means talking to one another in a respectful manner, with a shared interest, to reach a resolution that you can both live with.

The idea is to identify and acknowledge:

■ each other’s situation and any overarching issues; ■ feelings and concerns;

■ goals each of you have following separation;

■ proposed action plans to reach those goals; and

■ those elements on which you can agree to make things work.

There is nothing saying you have to reach an agreement immediately.

It’s important to take your time and respect one another’s space.

If there is or has been domestic violence, or you are fearful of your safety, then this may not be the right course of action.

If you do fear for your safety or have experienced domestic violence, then please contact your local police or a family lawyer. Of course, it is important to give each other space and respect each other’s wishes.

It may not be appropriate to immediately start wanting to talk about how property will be split or what will happen with the children.

There inevitably will be a cooling off period and it is important to recognise this.

It is also important to keep in mind that whilst you may be ready and think it is the right time, your partner may not be ready.

The best approach is to simply ask. If the answer is no and you are prepared to wait and give the other person some space, then do so.

If not, it might be a good idea to seek advice from an expert family lawyer or someone who can help you to have those conversations.