When you go it alone
THIS year was my first Christmas without my children.
While I was still among family, the tug in my heart was undeniable.
According to Australian Bureau of Statistics figures, there are about 49,000 divorces each year, and 47.3 per cent of those involve children.
So rather than pretend I’m going through this alone, I’m reaching out to those who, like me, celebrated a strange new first: Christmas without your kids.
There’s nothing quite so isolating as being alone on Christmas Day.
And as it was my first, it was quite taxing. Hell, it was downright awful.
My well-meaning beautiful babes were messaging me updates on all the fun things they were doing.
That should have made me happy, right?
They were having a lovely time, and I wasn’t far away from their thoughts.
But honestly, maybe that made it worse.
Watching my ex-husband and his new girlfriend play happy families with the three people I love most ferociously was indeed a sore point.
And I don’t have any real pearls of wisdom here ... I went into this with my head firmly planted in the sand.
Christmas in the past had a familiarity to it – a noisy childfocused tradition – that I floundered without.
I couldn’t decide if I wanted to spend Christmas drinking on the beach with friends, hiding under my doona, staying close to family or running far, far away.
But I chose to steer clear of alcohol, spend it with some family having a low-key Christmas and eat, meditate, nap ... and cry.
Now it’s all over and I’ve returned to work, it seems I made it through.
Other (more helpful) articles suggest things like journalling and focusing on gratitude.
Though for someone like myself slugging through sadness, I find more physical pursuits help fight the blues: take a walk, go for a swim, ride a bike.
By the time this column is printed, the kids will be home and we will be setting off on our own little adventure and I won’t need to do this for another two years.
If you’re struggling these holidays, there is help.
Phone Lifeline on 13 11 14.