Turning water into red wine

A TOOWOOMBA office worker was lucky to escape with his life after an incident in the New Zealand wilderness over the Christmas break.

The man in question was off on a five-day hike through the South Island’s northwest, and he and his fellow adventurers were well-equipped for the journey.

Packs, clothes, provisions, wet weather gear, water, and of course, alcohol – namely two goon sacks of the finest Chateau d’Cardboard, a bottle of whiskey liqueur, and a flask of Baileys Irish Cream rounded out their supplies.

Stopping for lunch on the first day, he threw his pack down on the ground to use as a seat.

But before long, he had to pull some lunch gear out of his pack.

Loosening the drawstring, the man was met with the distinct peppery, piquant aroma of red wine.

Somehow, the goon sack he was carrying had punctured, leaking Shiraz all through his backpack.

Thankfully, more than half of it was able to be salvaged, thanks to the quick emptying of some water bottles from other members of the party.

Whispers is told the man’s quip about being able to turn water into wine was the only thing that prevented him from being lynched then and there on the spot.

Cats – the musical

CATS.

Love them or hate them, there is something endearing about the way cats have learned to communicate with people over the millennia.

So when this Toowoomba woman’s cat began walking around the house incessantly meowing, she wondered what was wrong.

Taking to Google, our Whispers’ informant came to the conclusion that her cat’s everyday needs – grooming, playtime, walks, food – were being met.

So it was with some surprise that she discovered a series of articles that said music can help cats to settle.

Flicking through the channels of her Foxtel subscription, our Whispers’ informant discovered a channel for toddlers that plays lullabies each night.

Being the dutiful cat owner she is, she has been listening to baby songs from about 8pm onwards each night for the past week.

She wonders – does this make her a crazy cat lady?

Whispers wonders – could this be the basis of a sequel to Cats?

Key to the problem

NEWTOWN lad walked out his front door for work this morning only to realise he had misplaced his house keys and locked himself out.

He wandered around the back of the house to thankfully find the back door unlocked.

But the keys were nowhere to be found.

He checked in the dirty clothes pile, he checked under his bed, he checked on his desk, he turned his whole bedroom upside down looking for his keys – but to no avail.

Whispers is informed that the lad was about to start crying and give up when he felt something in his pocket.

They’re always in the last place you look.

Ones and twos

THE joys of bringing offspring into the world were writ large on the floor of this North

Toowoomba home this week.

Whispers is informed the bemused/horrified parents were “delighted” to find their one-year-old had taken off her nappy and left a deposit on the living room floor.

The father couldn’t help but muse that the toddler was halfway toilet trained.

Things took a turn for the worse later in the week during bath time, when nature called for the toddler once again.