WHAT’S WITH THE GUILT?

KATIE BOWMAN TACKLES THAT FEELING OF NIGGLING SELF-NEGGING THAT MOST OF US ARE FAMILIAR WITH

Ican’t get through a single day without that feeling of guilt washing over me at some point. If I’m going to be washed over, I wish it would at least leave me feeling nice and clean instead of like a pile of dirt.

Reading a book for the kids should make me feel like a great mum. Instead, I’m sitting there feeling like the worst mum in the world, because I can only fit two of them on my lap, while the other one sits next to or behind me. For real? I should feel like a bloody champion because I’m managing to read a book to all my children at once.

Reading them stories is one of the greatest things you can do for a kid, so why am I focusing on the one negative that is out of my control?

Taking the kids to the park should also make me feel like a great mum. Instead, there’s the guilt that I can only push two out of three of them on the swing. The guilt that one wants me to watch her go down the slide, the other one wants me to look at her sandcastle, but the third one is running away! The guilt that my eyeballs can’t look in two different directions, but even then, I’d still need a third eyeball.

Channelling my best ‘Instagram mum’, I try out the happy baking family scene. The mess is inevitable, but it still irks me, and I can feel my patience slipping. There’s the guilt that I got a bit cranky when the mixture spilled, and the guilt that I got frustrated when eggshell fell in.

What’s with the guilt? My kids probably had the best time baking with me, and an even better time eating the yummy goodies.

Some days I can’t even get our circus under control to leave the house. No one can find their shoes, there are poo explosions, tantrums, and I wonder who the hell is in charge of our incompetent house.

My mum guilt makes its best appearance at night. Once the kids are snuggled into bed, I look at their sweet little silent faces and let the day play over in my mind. I’m sure to pause and criticise every single scene because there is always room for improvement apparently.

Did I give everyone enough attention? Did I feed them enough healthy food? Why do I do this to myself?

I am doing amazing things, all day, every day, yet all I can focus on is the negative. Can we all just set our mum guilt on fire and dance around the flames or something?

My new goal is to look for the positive experience of each activity, the positive experience of each meal, or at least to acknowledge one positive moment of each day. To praise myself for at least one positive “mum moment”.

If we love our kids, if we are trying our best, then I guess we are slaying it. I need to remember that more often. We all need to remember that more often.

“IF WE LOVE OUR KIDS, IF WE ARE TRYING OUR BEST, THEN I GUESS WE ARE SLAYING IT.”